Introduction
Bengal has been blessed with a very rich cultural background,
which if reflected in its literature, life style, movies, food,
etc. The customs and rituals of the people and the state have
been translated into folklore, novels and poetry, movies and
cuisine. This rich cultural background is very visible in the
celebrations of their marriages, which is spread over a period
of seven days. A sea change is being brought about by the passage
of time and the influence of the younger modern generation by
reducing the observance of wedding rituals from the customary
seven days to four days and now to a one-day affair. Bengal
marriages normally take place late in the evening or in the
night.
The best mahurat or auspicious time is considered to be the
one in the
evening at twilight; this time is called godhuli. Two events
mark a Bengali marriage: the rendition of ulululululu by its
happy womenfolk and the blowing of the shanku or conch, which
could be optional these days. The Bengalis practice the art
of Alpana, which is drawing designs on the floor with rice paste.
Every important function in a Bengali household is characterized
by the traditional Alpana drawn outside the house and at the
site of the ceremonies. In addition, the leaves of the banana
tree and a water filled kalash or brass vessel containing five
mango leaves an important part in every ceremony.
The Bengali marriage is characterized by the following four
days rituals which will be seen in detail:·
1st day aybudobaath a sumptuous feast.
2nd day actual marriage ceremony
3rd day Sending off the bride to her new home
4th day the bride's bahu-baath to her husband's family
Engagement Ceremony
Bengalis usually do not have an engagement ceremony before a
marriage. A small get together of the two families is held to
confirm the alliance. At this meet the elders of the families
bless the couple and present them with give a small token of
affection in the form of gifts: a suit length or a pant piece
for the boy and a sari for the girl. Ornaments and other expensive
gifts may also be given. However, the purse of the giver if
the deciding factor. Bengalis do not believe in the exchange
of money as a gift. They much prefer gifts. This simple function
is closed with a lunch or dinner, which is normally non vegetarian
and includes the compulsory fish dish.
Ashirwad
The ashirwad or blessings is performed one month before the
marriage at the girl's house. The elder members of the boy's
family visit the girl's house but the boy is not allowed to
accompany them. The girl, bedecked in her new jewellery and
clothes, welcomes the guests to her home. A tikka of sandalwood
paste is
applied on the girl's forehead - a very auspicious custom observed
by Bengalis on all important functions. The Bengalis consider
it very auspicious to apply a sandalwood tikka on the forehead
on auspicious occasions. A big thali, a stainless steel dish
filled with dhan or wheat chaff, rice, chandan or sandal wood
etc. is placed on the girl's head.
The menu at this function consists of a potato dish called Aloo
charchari for breakfast accompanied by bengun bhaja or fried
brinjals. The traditional Bengali sweets like Payash, a rice
kheer made with dates and jaggery or molassses, ras gollas,
gulab jamuns, sandesh etc are a must.
The girl's parents and her relatives conduct a similar ashirwad
ceremony at the boy's home. Here again, as the groom was not
allowed to attend the ceremony at the girl's house, the bride
is not permitted to be a part of the ritual in the boy's house.
Aybudobhaat - 1st day ceremony
Aybudubhaat is a grand sumptuous feast held in honour of the
aybudo i.e. bride / groom at their respective houses in the
presence of five married women called ayeoh. It is compulsory
for all girls to hold this function in the girl's house on the
eve of the marriage. This function is a grand formal dinner
hosted by the bride's close relatives and friends. This dinner,
being the last dinner the bride will have at home before her
marriage, is a very elaborate affair. Usually two to three different
varieties of fish, puris, mishti bhaat, a sweet rice an all
time favourite with Bengalis, lots of sweets like payash, ras
gollas, gulab jamuns etc. are served. When the girl is served
lunch a small diya or lamp is placed next to her thali/plate.
The girl is a gifted a special Bengali cotton sari by the relatives,
which can be worn by her in her daily casual wear.
Amongst the Bengalis blowing of a shankh or conch is considered
very auspicious; all elders in a Bengali family learn the art
of blowing a shankh. The blowing of the shankh signifies that
Lord Lakshmi Narayan has been invited to the house. The Lord
brings with him good luck and wealth. Throughout the marriage
ceremony one of the family members, continues to blow the shankh
ensuring the continued presence of the Lord. Blowing the shankh
is deemed a privilege and during the marriage ceremony the girl's
maasi or maternal aunt is given the important duty.
A few small ceremonies and rituals need to be performed prior
to the actual marriage ceremony and they are :
A small nanni puja is held before the haldi ceremony. This puja
is held separately in both the houses, and is an offering made
to the ancestors of the families. Photographs of all the ancestors
are placed in the puja . In case photographs and names are not
available, a general puja is performed.·
The girl's nanni puja is held at her house, where a small temple
is set up. A few banana leaves are placed in the center of the
room and a few fruits, rice etc. are placed in it.
The girl wears an off-white sari with a red border. A variety
of such saris are sold the market expressly for this purpose.
The pondit moshai or priest performs the puja.
A similar puja is held at the boy's house. The couple is blessed
for a happy married life
Mehendi Ceremony
Traditionally, Bengali families do not have a mehendi ceremony.
However, these days this ceremony is performed by quite a few
families before the marriage. The girl invites her close friends
and relatives on this day, with all the invitees apply beautiful
mehendi designs on their hands, It goes without saying that
the most elaborate design is reserved for the bride, who applies
it from her hands to elbows and on the feet. Application of
of mehendi is an art which is practiced by a few who are in
great demand at this time. The application of mehendi on the
hands and feet is a tedious and time consuming affair, and the
atmosphere is livened by the elder aunts of the family sing
marriage songs.
On this day the boy's relatives are invited to the girl's house.
Usually seven suhagins or married women do this ceremony. They
take along with them the girl's trousseau and a silver bowl
full of haldi or turmeric powder and mustard oil. A small stage
is set up in the house with banana stems placed vertically forming
four pillars. The banana stems are erected on the floor with
the soil of river Ganga. The four pillars are tied with a holy
red colored thread. The girl is made to sit on a peedhi or "
a small wooden stool. The women then circumnavigate the girl
seven times, carrying a diya, supli or jute tray used for picking
rice, fruits and sweets.
These seven suhagins surround the girl and in turn apply a haldi
tikka or spot on the girls forehead, face, arms and legs chanting
mantras all the time. The other elderly women of the house perform
the singing of the ulululululu. This singing is performed with
their tongues keeping their mouths closed and only practice
makes one perfect. The girl is then goes for a bath, while the
other family members have fun applying haldi to each other.
The suhagins also bring rui, a fresh water fish, decorated like
a bride in a red cloth with sindoor on its head and a golden
nath or nose ornament The fish is cooked by the girl's mother
and served to all the guests for lunch. On this day mishti doi
or sweet curds and a lot of other Bengali sweets form a part
of the menu.
Marriage Day - 2nd day
The marriage ceremony takes place at only around midnight, but
the starts very early at around 4 a.m. with feasting and merriment
throughout the. On this day the bride and the groom arise at
4 a.m. in the morning at their respective homes for the dadimangal
ceremony. They are given dahi/ curds and chida or poha or puffed
rice to eat by five ayeohs. This is the only meal the bride
and groom will eat, as they will now fast till after the nuptials
are over. Meanwhile the water filled kalash or brass vessel
containing a coconut, betel and five mango
leaves along with five diyas are placed in a kula or sieve.
The ayeohs now take the kula and perform the baron-daala aarti
or blessing ending with the touching of the kula to the foreheads
of the bride/groom. A forked blade of grass or dubba and a grain
stalk or daanya is always used while performing aarti. This
aarti with the kalash is an important part of every Bengali
ceremony and all other aartis during the ceremony will be done
with this kalash.
At the groom's he takes a haldi bath, while the ayeohs and relatives
mercilessly tease him. Meantime the girl too has her own haladh
and gaai haladh taktho ceremony. From the groom's house a part
of the groom's haladh along with jewellery, sweets, fish, saris,
flowers, etc. are sent as taktho to the bride's house with much
fanfare. The taktho ceremony is accorded great importance in
all Bengali houses. The women in the respective families spend
a lot of time and effort in decorating the taktho articles -
exquisite flower arrangements, sandesh and other delicacies
made in fish shapes, sweets and fruits carved into figurines
resembling the couple and other attractive patterns. Nearing
the marriage time or mahurat the groom arrives at the intricately
decorated mandap / marriage venue in the Alpana style with his
procession or borjatri. He wears his topor - a white conical
head-dress made from a water plant stem or shola. The bride's
mother welcomes with baron-daala aarti and seat him on a chiri-piri,
a low rangoli decorated stool. The bride's father presents the
groom with a gold ring, dhoti, kurta and a chador or shawl and
changes into these clothes.
The bride's her maternal uncles and brothers carry her to the
mandap in a decorated chair. She holding a betel leaf in front
of her face with one hand a and a wooden sindoor box in the
other hand. She is dressed in a rich red Banarasi sari, on her
arms red and white bangles or shaka pola, her face decorated
with chandan dots highlighting here eyes. She, too, wears a
mukut made out of shola. The red and white bangles the bride
wears can only be removed eight days after marriage. She has
to take great care of them as any breakage is considered a bad
sign.
A white cloth is held over the couple's head for the subho dishti,
their first glance at each other. The bride removes the betel
leaf, uncovers her face and the couple exchange garlands. The
bride is carried around the groom seven times by her brothers
and after this is seated next to the groom. Her father then
gives her away in marriage to the groom.
The groom's chador and the bride's red sari are knotted together
to take the saat paak or seven circles round the sacred fire
and taking the marriage vows, amidst chanting of marriage mantras,
in the presence of the pondit moshai/ priest and witnesses.
After the exchange of the nuptial vows, the groom solemnizes
the marriage by applying with his ring the sign of a married
woman, the sindoor to the bride's forehead and parted hair.
The couple now retire to the baasharghar a room specially prepared
by the bride's sisters who playfully refuse the groom entry.
He bribes his way in for the shojja tuluni / bed-lifting amidst
much fun and ragging. This Continues for the remainder of the
night.
An auspicious time, mahurat, is fixed by the pondit moshai,
normally in the morning the bride is sent off off amidst a tearful
farewell. She throws a handful of rice into the palao of her
mother and leaves for her new home. and the groom get dressed
and are ready to leave. The bride is not allowed to wash off
the sindoor from her hair for the next eight days. The groom's
relatives come to the bride's house to fetch the newly weds.
Here her mother-in-law welcomes her with baron-daala aarti.
When the newlyweds reach the groom's house, the groom's sisters,
preferably unmarried, wash the bride's feet just before she
puts her feet out of the vehicle in which she has travelled.
An unused big red cloth is placed in front of the main door
and the newly wed are made to walk on it. A big thali containing
milk and water is placed near the main door, makes her step
into a plate of milk before entering the house. Her mother-in-law
applies a little honey in her daughter-in-law's ear and on her
tongue with the help of her little finger so that this the daughter-in-law
will always hear and speak sweet. On this night or kaal ratri
the couple do not see each other and spend the night separately.
Therefore, as per Bengali mythology, a rich merchant's son called
Lakhinder, was bitten by a snake on his marrige night and his
wife Behula had become a widow because they spent this night
together.
4th Day - Bahu Baath
The bride prepares and cooks the first meal in her husband's
house and serves it to his family, relatives and friends. A
special type of rice, cooked like a sweet pulav is prepared
and served by the bride to all her in-laws. The food can be
anything from Chinese food to Italian pasta. Special attention
is paid to the sweets and a lot of varieties of sweets are served.
Special attention is paid to fish, and varieties of fish are
served. The most common varieties of fish are eelish maach,
rui and pomfret. Most popular sweets are Ras malai, Payash,
rasgollas, gulab jamuns, sandesh etc. A separate ice cream parlour
is sometimes set up for the guests. A paanwala is also called
in to make paan or beetlenut leaves for the guests.
On this day also the phool sojja taktho comprising a bed, flowers
and artistically designed takthos arrives from her mother's
house. Within the first ten days of marriage, by the eighth
day the couple must stay at the bride's house for at least three
days. On the eighth day she removes her sindoor in her mother's
house. After this stay at her parents' house the couple leave
for their honeymoon.
Another custom observed by Bengalis is that the groom's mother
does not attend her son's marriage. It is seen as a bad omen
or nazar if the boy's mother accompanies him. It is believed
that when Lord Ganesh's brother Lord Kartik was to getting married,
his mother Maa Durga was very worried that her daughter-in-law
would not treat her properly and would not give her food to
eat. Seeing this her son called off the marriage and remained
a bachelor for the rest of his life. In order to avoid such
a situation Bengali mothers do not attend their sons' marriage.
Instead, the groom's mother is made to sit with her back to
her son when he is leaving for the marriage so that she does
not to see his face. While sitting thus she dips both her hands
in a bowl of dahi / curds as it is supposed to bring prosperity
and food to the home.
When the couple returns from their honeymoon a satya narayan
puja is performed at the groom's house. This is a small puja
attended only by the family members who bless the couple. This
marks the end of the marriage ceremonies.
Jamai Shoshti
This day comes once in a year and on this day the husband and
wife are invited to the wife's parents home for lunch. An elaborate
lunch is cooked for the son-in-law and gifts are given to the
couple. All Bengalis follow this practice till the couple grows
old. This is a way of showing respect to the son-in-law and
is a good occasion for a family to get together.
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