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The engagement period, varying from a year to six months,
is a wonderful, joyful, fun-filled time shared between two
people who have committed themselves to each other. Besides
the joy and fun shared, other serious matters are jointly
discussed and finalized. Amongst these are breaking the wonderful
news to friends and relatives, selecting the church for the
marriage ceremony, venue of reception, wedding attire and
all its accompaniments.
A Christian marriage can be celebrated throughout the year,
except for two seasons of penitence and fasting - the seasons
of Lent, a 40-day period prior to Easter and Advent, a 30-day
period just before Christmas. The major priority is arranging
the church where the marriage will be solemnized. Usually
the marriage ceremony takes place in the bride's parish or
home church. This is not a hard and fast rule as the ceremony
can be performed in any church of the couple's choice. This
is usually done in concurrence with the priest of the bride's
parish. The priest guides and advised the couple on the type
of religious service they would like to have - the full Christian
rite or a simpler ceremony taking into account the particular
preferences of the church selected.
The next items to be fully discussed and finalized are the
wedding attire of the couple and their attendants - the bridesmaids,
flower girls, best man and the venue of the reception, the
band/music and menu for the function.
Having settled these details, the engaged couple take a course
of instruction normally imparted by the church. This course,
the Pre-Cana course is a must for all Catholic couples on
the verge of marriage. Itis to guide and help them on the
threshold of their new venture in life - the ups and downs,
the good and bad, the , spiritual, joyful and serious, financial
and legal matters that come up from time to time. It helps
them to get into focus that marriage is not all roses, but
a serious business of commitment to each other accompanied
by thorns from time to time.
The priest guides them through several preparatory steps.
First, and often very significantly, insistence is that the
couple do not live together during the engagement period.
This stipulation is a major stumbling block for some at times.
However, such an wonderful opportunity gives the couple a
new perspective which enhances the time when they reunite
in their new home.Based on the religious backgrounds, the
priest helps to determine whether or not the Confirmation
rite is necessary. Confirmation is a rite during which an
individual chooses Catholicism, confirming the decision made
when he or she was baptized. If you have not been confirmed,
you may need to do so before you can be married. This process
can take six or seven months in a weekly class or be completed
relatively quickly through a more intensive program. In many
churches, newly confirmed Catholics are presented to the congregation
at Easter Vigil Mass. If this is the case in your church,
you might wish to schedule your wedding around this date.
Based on the religious backgrounds, the priest helps to determine
whether or not the Confirmation rite is necessary. Confirmation
is a rite during which an individual chooses Catholicism,
confirming the decision made when he or she was baptized.
If you have not been confirmed, you may need to do so before
you can be married. This process can take six or seven months
in a weekly class or be completed relatively quickly through
a more intensive program. In many churches, newly confirmed
Catholics are presented to the congregation at Easter Vigil
Mass. If this is the case in your church, you might wish to
schedule your wedding around this date.
Finally, your wedding announcements, or Banns of Marriage,
are posted in the church bulletins of both the bride and the
groom, for three Sundays prior to the date of the wedding.
Historically, the Banns of Marriage were read out three successive
masses, and they had a very concrete purpose. Pre-computer
record keeping made it nearly impossible to keep track of
a person's marital history unless he or she remained in the
same parish. The Banns were announced so that any parishioner
who knew of a reason why the couple could not be married in
the church (for example, a prior marriage) would have an opportunity
to speak with the priest prior to the wedding. Nowadays, with
the advent of the high tech age, this type of safeguard is
no longer needed, but the Banns of Marriage remain as a public
announcement to the bride or groom's parish of the joyful
event to come.
If you are incorporating more than one religion in your wedding,
you may have a clergy member from another faith participate
in a Catholic wedding, or you can arrange for your priest
to attend a different ceremony location in order to bless
the marriage. You may wish to consult with your priest if
an alternative wedding venue is part of your plans, as individual
clergy members may have certain stipulations about ceremony
locations. Whether or not you elect to hold the actual ceremony
in a Catholic church, you will need to complete all of the
above-mentioned requirements if you would like your marriage
to be sanctified, or recognized, by the Catholic Church.
In a world in which the preparation for a wedding can be as
short as the time it takes to travel to Las Vegas, the Catholic
engagement is a refreshing step back to a more patient era.
The commitment to the success of a marriage is shared by the
local religious community, and each stage of the engagement
process is geared towards ensuring that the wedding itself
is a beautiful, meaningful, once-in-a-lifetime experience
- the wish of every bride and groom.
Christian Marriage
Marriage is a Sacrament
In Christianity, marriage is permanent, indissoluble, a part
of the mystery of Christ, a Sacrament in which there are three
main people - the bride, the groom and Christ. The bride and
the groom are aware of the spiritual depth of marriage and
participate in it by their heartfelt prayers and positive
response. They now act as one person for"the two shall
become one flesh"(Mt. 19: 5). This is as necessary as
the involvement of a priest, who acts as Christ's representative,
and the holding of formal prayers.
Continuity
Christ, through the Church, holds marriage in a state
of continuity without no divorce, except in very exceptional
circumstances, like adultery or denial and giving up of the
faith by one of the partners.
Annulment is allowed in cases of cheating, impotence, and
some other cases specified by the church. The annulment of
marriage is a sound principle as there have to be basic elements
to guarantee a sound marriage, such as full physical and mental
maturity ,etc.
One Partner
Christianity does not permit polygamy, i.e. getting married
to more than one partner. Monogamy, or the law of one wife,
is definite in Christianity and established in the Bible.
Sex and Marriage
Before the wedding, Christianity urges the couple to ask God
for the grace to preserve the power of sex for the frameworkof
marriage. To avoid its misuse outside even if everyone around
them takes it very lightly.
Christianity means the marriage, the resulting family, the
home is as far as possible a haven of peace, joy and happiness
with Christ as the ever-present invisible partner.
Christian Rituals / Customs
Engagement parties usually given by the bride's family
often precede the Christian weddings
The 'Bridal shower' is an all-woman affair organized by friends
and relatives of the bride.
The 'stag party' is considered to be the last bachelor fling.
Very often its celebration is out of proportion and leaves
the groom with hangovers and confused memories.
Traditionally, the groom reaches the church escorted by his
mother or close female relative first and nervously awaits
the arrival of the bride. He is ably supported by the best
man, usually his brother, close male relative or friend.
While the groom awaits his bride at the altar, the best man
waits for the bride's arrival, greets her with a kiss and
presents her with her bouqu- et. A radiant bride arrives accompanied
by her entourage of bridesmaids, flower girls and pageboys
where she is greeted by the priest at the entrance. In keeping
with tradition the bride walks down the aisle on her father's
arm to join the waiting groom at the altar where the ceremony
will take place. Alternatively, the couple may decideto enter
he church together preceded by the priest. If she so wishes,
the bride may alsowalk alone to the altar, preceded by pageboys
and flower maids, the bridesmaid. Generally the bride elects
to walk down the aisle on her father's arm or a close male
relative/friend as the case may be.The bridal couple kneels
before the altar. Mass is celebrated with readings from the
Bible, emphasizing the love of the couple for each other and
that marriage is forever "till death do us part".The
nuptial section of the mass consists of the exchange of marriage
vows.
The best man usually carries both the rings, which are handed
over to the priest who, after blessing the rings, asks the
couple to put them on each other's third fingers of the right
hand. This done, he blesses the couple and declares them man
and wife. The religious service over, the couple proceeds
to the vestry for the signing of the marriage register where
the bride signs her maiden name for the last time. This is
followed with the injunction "You may now kiss the bride"and
the couple leave the church to the strains of the wedding
march. They are followed to their car, by music and a shower
of wishes for a memorable, unforgettable evening of happiness
and fun.
Introduction
In India the Christians comprise mainly
- East Indians i.e the descendants of the converted Hindus
and Muslims from Salsette and Vasai, Mumbai, Kurla, Thane
and Vasai,
- Goans or immigrants from Goa,
- And those from Mangalore, commonly known as Mangloreans,
- Anglo-Indians and Eurasians - a happy blend of Oriental
and Occidental culture with a greater leaning towards the
West,
- Kerala Christians or Syro-Malabar Christians. They follow
generally the Catholic Faith as observed and brought to
India by the Apostle St. Thomas in 52 A.D., but their customs
are those traditional to South India.
- Together they constitute the Christian community which
is further broadly divided into Roman Catholic owing allegiance
to the Pope in Rome and the various other Christian sects
like the Church of North India, the Methodists, The Christian
Scientists, Seven Day Adventists, etc rituals observed by
them. Here we give you the norms of the East Indian Community.
Before the Wedding
The preparations start 15 days before the wedding. First
the wedding pickle or Varradaccha Lonche made in large quantities,
out of carrots, papaya and green chillies Another item is
Papad made from flour ground at home.
The day before the nuptials a ceremony called Umracha Pani
is performed, for which preparations start early morning.
The guests stay on for lunch and dinner. During the day two
kinds of wadas are prepared. One is called Bhokyache Wade
prepared out of wheat flour, whilst the other is Fooghes made
out of maida or refined white flour.
All those attending the ceremony go in a procession around
their area, the cross is garlanded and prayers are chanted.
Then comes the bangle seller's entry - a most important personality.
Light green bangles are chosen from the seller. The married
as well as her female relatives wear a dozen bangles each
on their hands. In a 'soopra', the bride then gives the bangle
seller, rice, five paan, supari or betel nut, one coconut
and the amount he demands. The bride then touches his feet.
An interesting custom Dinner is then served. During the dinner
the bride is whisked away and coconut milk is applied on her
face, hands and legs to the accompaniment of music, song and
dance. While this is going on the father, uncle and brother
of the bride are shaved and their nails trimmed by a barber
under a canopy especially erected for these festivities. A
day before the wedding all ornaments are removed from the
bride's body. Whoever goes forward to apply coconut milk on
her usually places some money in the soopra. The bride then
returns home.
Along with the band, the guests and relatives go dancing to
draw waterfrom the well. Coconuts are broken. After the water
is drawn from the well and from the coconuts, the papad prepared
earlier is roasted and eaten right there.The mother's sister
then bathes the bride after which the bride adorns her new
clothes.When the bride is taken away for her coconut milk
bath crackers are lit and songs are sung.Before serving dinner
to the guests a portion of the food prepared along with the
drinks, cigarettes, pan etc. is kept aside for the departed
souls of the bride's relatives.
The Wedding
Before the bride leaves the house for the church, where the
marriage will be solemnized she is, coconuts are broken and
crackers are lit. All the female relatives wear flowers in
their hair. The father of the bride presents her to the groom
in marriage. In case she has no father, an uncle or her brother
or an elderly male relative does the honours.
After the Wedding
The morning after the wedding the girl's relatives pay her
a visit. In the evening when the bride leaves for her new
home, dinner is hosted by the bridegroom's family. The girl's
family members come with the wedding cake and flowers for
the bride. The bride wears a red sari and decks herself in
gold. When the pair arrive at the girl's house they are not
allowed to enter until they have paid whatever nominal amount
is demanded, quite a demand. Meaning the groom should make
sure that he has his purse loaded
Introduction
We have seen earlier some of the customs followed by the East
Indian Christians. We now take a look at the customs from
Goa.
Before the wedding
Two days before the wedding a custom called Choodo is
performed. This custom is the placing of multi-coloured bangles
on the brides' hands, eleven bangles on one hand and seven
on the other. The cost of the bangles is borne by the bride's
mother's eldest brother. This is performed on any day except
Thursday and Friday, which are generally not considered auspicious
for this ritual. Needless to say there is much amusement in
the air; with bursting of crackers and a lot of rejoicing.
All the female relatives and married friends of the bride
also wear coloured bangles on this day. After this function
the bride is confined to the house nor does she see the groom
till the wedding day.
One day before the wedding the Dehhne or the trousseau of
the bride is sent to the groom's house. As per traditiony,
this consists of a cupboard, sewing machine and other things
given to the bride by her relatives. Some sweets like sweet
balls of jaggery and dohse (ground wheat) are also prepared.
On this day the Roce or the 'coconut milk bath' is given to
the bride. Each and every family member of the bride makes
a cross of blessed oil on the bride's forehead. At times drops
of oil are poured in her ears. Turn by turn the bride's friends
and relatives come forth and apply the coconut milk on the
bride. Then each family member pours one mug of water on the
bride. Finally after all the relatives have had their turn
the bride proceeds for her bath. Traditionally, an elderly
female relative would bathe the bride, but now a day she bathes
alone. Dinner is then served to all those present. A male
relative who is a widower or a widowed female relative is
specially called for the ceremony and for the dinner that
follows the Roce ceremony. Before the wedding as per custom
the poor are given a separate lunch which includes the best
of the delicacies. To this lunch they normally invite a couple
who are considered to symbolically represent either the dead
parents or grandparents of the bride. This custom of feeding
the poor is still followed in villages.
On the morning of the wedding the groom sends the bride her
wedding gown, nightdress, veil, make up and all the clothes
that she will require for the next day.
The Wedding
The bride seeks the blessings from her parents, grandparents,
family and relatives before she leaves for the Church. The
eldest sister of the groom escorts her to the Church as a
sign that she is being welcomed into the new family. The marriage
ceremony that follows is per the description given earlier.
Before the reception begins the bride's mother-in-law gives
a Red Dress/Sari or Sado. The groom's sister then follows
her mother and puts a sado over the bride's shoulder and a
chain around her neck. Some prayers and snacks follow this.
After the reception the bride's mother also presents her a
sado.
On the wedding night, the nuptial bed is well decorated and
money is placed under the pillows of the newly married couple.
The money is kept there as a gift for the person tidying the
bed the next morning.
After the Wedding
Next day the Portonnem is held - a dinner hosted by the
bride's family for the couple and the others. At this function
either the bride or her parents present the groom with gifts.
After this dinner at the bride's home both, the bride and
the groom proceed to the groom's house. They walk together
showering rice over their shoulders taking care to see that
they do not look back.
The bride is also given some bananas and cake so that she
does not to go empty handed. Then a part of the wedding cake
is given to the bride's family. A small slice along with half
a banana is given to all relatives and friends of the bride
This marks an end to a beautiful ceremony.
The Mangloreans usually have customs similar to those of the
Goans, with a few variations here and there according to the
region where the couple stay.
Amongst the Mangloreans after the bride is presented with
the Sado midway through the wedding celebrations at the reception
she changes into the sado accompanied by the female relatives
of the groom to special songs. When the bride comes out fully
decked in the sado and jewelry presented by her in-laws and
her hair covered by a floral canopy, she and the groom take
another march around the hall to the accompaniment of music
and merriment.
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