Wedding Planner

The engagement period, varying from a year to six months, is a wonderful, joyful, fun-filled time shared between two people who have committed themselves to each other. Besides the joy and fun shared, other serious matters are jointly discussed and finalized. Amongst these are breaking the wonderful news to friends and relatives, selecting the church for the marriage ceremony, venue of reception, wedding attire and all its accompaniments.

A Christian marriage can be celebrated throughout the year, except for two seasons of penitence and fasting - the seasons of Lent, a 40-day period prior to Easter and Advent, a 30-day period just before Christmas. The major priority is arranging the church where the marriage will be solemnized. Usually the marriage ceremony takes place in the bride's parish or home church. This is not a hard and fast rule as the ceremony can be performed in any church of the couple's choice. This is usually done in concurrence with the priest of the bride's parish. The priest guides and advised the couple on the type of religious service they would like to have - the full Christian rite or a simpler ceremony taking into account the particular preferences of the church selected.

The next items to be fully discussed and finalized are the wedding attire of the couple and their attendants - the bridesmaids, flower girls, best man and the venue of the reception, the band/music and menu for the function.

Having settled these details, the engaged couple take a course of instruction normally imparted by the church. This course, the Pre-Cana course is a must for all Catholic couples on the verge of marriage. Itis to guide and help them on the threshold of their new venture in life - the ups and downs, the good and bad, the , spiritual, joyful and serious, financial and legal matters that come up from time to time. It helps them to get into focus that marriage is not all roses, but a serious business of commitment to each other accompanied by thorns from time to time.

The priest guides them through several preparatory steps. First, and often very significantly, insistence is that the couple do not live together during the engagement period. This stipulation is a major stumbling block for some at times. However, such an wonderful opportunity gives the couple a new perspective which enhances the time when they reunite in their new home.Based on the religious backgrounds, the priest helps to determine whether or not the Confirmation rite is necessary. Confirmation is a rite during which an individual chooses Catholicism, confirming the decision made when he or she was baptized. If you have not been confirmed, you may need to do so before you can be married. This process can take six or seven months in a weekly class or be completed relatively quickly through a more intensive program. In many churches, newly confirmed Catholics are presented to the congregation at Easter Vigil Mass. If this is the case in your church, you might wish to schedule your wedding around this date.

Based on the religious backgrounds, the priest helps to determine whether or not the Confirmation rite is necessary. Confirmation is a rite during which an individual chooses Catholicism, confirming the decision made when he or she was baptized. If you have not been confirmed, you may need to do so before you can be married. This process can take six or seven months in a weekly class or be completed relatively quickly through a more intensive program. In many churches, newly confirmed Catholics are presented to the congregation at Easter Vigil Mass. If this is the case in your church, you might wish to schedule your wedding around this date.

Finally, your wedding announcements, or Banns of Marriage, are posted in the church bulletins of both the bride and the groom, for three Sundays prior to the date of the wedding. Historically, the Banns of Marriage were read out three successive masses, and they had a very concrete purpose. Pre-computer record keeping made it nearly impossible to keep track of a person's marital history unless he or she remained in the same parish. The Banns were announced so that any parishioner who knew of a reason why the couple could not be married in the church (for example, a prior marriage) would have an opportunity to speak with the priest prior to the wedding. Nowadays, with the advent of the high tech age, this type of safeguard is no longer needed, but the Banns of Marriage remain as a public announcement to the bride or groom's parish of the joyful event to come.

If you are incorporating more than one religion in your wedding, you may have a clergy member from another faith participate in a Catholic wedding, or you can arrange for your priest to attend a different ceremony location in order to bless the marriage. You may wish to consult with your priest if an alternative wedding venue is part of your plans, as individual clergy members may have certain stipulations about ceremony locations. Whether or not you elect to hold the actual ceremony in a Catholic church, you will need to complete all of the above-mentioned requirements if you would like your marriage to be sanctified, or recognized, by the Catholic Church.
In a world in which the preparation for a wedding can be as short as the time it takes to travel to Las Vegas, the Catholic engagement is a refreshing step back to a more patient era. The commitment to the success of a marriage is shared by the local religious community, and each stage of the engagement process is geared towards ensuring that the wedding itself is a beautiful, meaningful, once-in-a-lifetime experience - the wish of every bride and groom.

Christian Rituals / Customs

Engagement parties usually given by the bride's family often precede the Christian weddings
The 'Bridal shower' is an all-woman affair organized by friends and relatives of the bride.

The 'stag party' is considered to be the last bachelor fling. Very often its celebration is out of proportion and leaves the groom with hangovers and confused memories.

Traditionally, the groom reaches the church escorted by his mother or close female relative first and nervously awaits the arrival of the bride. He is ably supported by the best man, usually his brother, close male relative or friend.

While the groom awaits his bride at the altar, the best man waits for the bride's arrival, greets her with a kiss and presents her with her bouqu- et. A radiant bride arrives accompanied by her entourage of bridesmaids, flower girls and pageboys where she is greeted by the priest at the entrance. In keeping with tradition the bride walks down the aisle on her father's arm to join the waiting groom at the altar where the ceremony will take place. Alternatively, the couple may decideto enter he church together preceded by the priest. If she so wishes, the bride may alsowalk alone to the altar, preceded by pageboys and flower maids, the bridesmaid. Generally the bride elects to walk down the aisle on her father's arm or a close male relative/friend as the case may be.The bridal couple kneels before the altar. Mass is celebrated with readings from the Bible, emphasizing the love of the couple for each other and that marriage is forever "till death do us part".The nuptial section of the mass consists of the exchange of marriage vows.

The best man usually carries both the rings, which are handed over to the priest who, after blessing the rings, asks the couple to put them on each other's third fingers of the right hand. This done, he blesses the couple and declares them man and wife. The religious service over, the couple proceeds to the vestry for the signing of the marriage register where the bride signs her maiden name for the last time. This is followed with the injunction "You may now kiss the bride"and the couple leave the church to the strains of the wedding march. They are followed to their car, by music and a shower of wishes for a memorable, unforgettable evening of happiness and fun.


Introduction

In India the Christians comprise mainly

• East Indians i.e the descendants of the converted Hindus and Muslims from Salsette and Vasai, Mumbai, Kurla, Thane and Vasai,
• Goans or immigrants from Goa,
• And those from Mangalore, commonly known as Mangloreans,
• Anglo-Indians and Eurasians - a happy blend of Oriental and Occidental culture with a greater leaning towards the West,
• Kerala Christians or Syro-Malabar Christians. They follow generally the Catholic Faith as observed and brought to India by the Apostle St. Thomas in 52 A.D., but their customs are those traditional to South India.
  Together they constitute the Christian community which is further broadly divided into Roman Catholic owing allegiance to the Pope in Rome and the various other Christian sects like the Church of North India, the Methodists, The Christian Scientists, Seven Day Adventists, etc rituals observed by them. Here we give you the norms of the East Indian Community.

Before the Wedding

The preparations start 15 days before the wedding. First the wedding pickle or Varradaccha Lonche made in large quantities, out of carrots, papaya and green chillies Another item is Papad made from flour ground at home

The day before the nuptials a ceremony called Umracha Pani is performed, for which preparations start early morning. The guests stay on for lunch and dinner. During the day two kinds of wadas are prepared. One is called Bhokyache Wade prepared out of wheat flour, whilst the other is Fooghes made out of maida or refined white flour.

All those attending the ceremony go in a procession around their area, the cross is garlanded and prayers are chanted. Then comes the bangle seller's entry - a most important personality. Light green bangles are chosen from the seller. The married as well as her female relatives wear a dozen bangles each on their hands. In a 'soopra', the bride then gives the bangle seller, rice, five paan, supari or betel nut, one coconut and the amount he demands. The bride then touches his feet. An interesting custom Dinner is then served. During the dinner the bride is whisked away and coconut milk is applied on her face, hands and legs to the accompaniment of music, song and dance. While this is going on the father, uncle and brother of the bride are shaved and their nails trimmed by a barber under a canopy especially erected for these festivities. A day before the wedding all ornaments are removed from the bride's body. Whoever goes forward to apply coconut milk on her usually places some money in the soopra. The bride then returns home.

Along with the band, the guests and relatives go dancing to draw waterfrom the well. Coconuts are broken. After the water is drawn from the well and from the coconuts, the papad prepared earlier is roasted and eaten right there.The mother's sister then bathes the bride after which the bride adorns her new clothes.When the bride is taken away for her coconut milk bath crackers are lit and songs are sung.Before serving dinner to the guests a portion of the food prepared along with the drinks, cigarettes, pan etc. is kept aside for the departed souls of the bride's relatives.


The Wedding

Before the bride leaves the house for the church, where the marriage will be solemnized she is, coconuts are broken and crackers are lit. All the female relatives wear flowers in their hair. The father of the bride presents her to the groom in marriage. In case she has no father, an uncle or her brother or an elderly male relative does the honours.


After the Wedding

The morning after the wedding the girl's relatives pay her a visit. In the evening when the bride leaves for her new home, dinner is hosted by the bridegroom's family. The girl's family members come with the wedding cake and flowers for the bride. The bride wears a red sari and decks herself in gold. When the pair arrive at the girl's house they are not allowed to enter until they have paid whatever nominal amount is demanded, quite a demand. Meaning the groom should make sure that he has his purse loaded


Introduction

We have seen earlier some of the customs followed by the East Indian Christians. We now take a look at the customs from Goa.


Before the wedding

Two days before the wedding a custom called Choodo is performed. This custom is the placing of multi-coloured bangles on the brides' hands, eleven bangles on one hand and seven on the other. The cost of the bangles is borne by the bride's mother's eldest brother. This is performed on any day except Thursday and Friday, which are generally not considered auspicious for this ritual. Needless to say there is much amusement in the air; with bursting of crackers and a lot of rejoicing. All the female relatives and married friends of the bride also wear coloured bangles on this day. After this function the bride is confined to the house nor does she see the groom till the wedding day.
One day before the wedding the Dehhne or the trousseau of the bride is sent to the groom's house. As per traditiony, this consists of a cupboard, sewing machine and other things given to the bride by her relatives. Some sweets like sweet balls of jaggery and dohse (ground wheat) are also prepared.

On this day the Roce or the 'coconut milk bath' is given to the bride. Each and every family member of the bride makes a cross of blessed oil on the bride's forehead. At times drops of oil are poured in her ears. Turn by turn the bride's friends and relatives come forth and apply the coconut milk on the bride. Then each family member pours one mug of water on the bride. Finally after all the relatives have had their turn the bride proceeds for her bath. Traditionally, an elderly female relative would bathe the bride, but now a day she bathes alone. Dinner is then served to all those present. A male relative who is a widower or a widowed female relative is specially called for the ceremony and for the dinner that follows the Roce ceremony. Before the wedding as per custom the poor are given a separate lunch which includes the best of the delicacies. To this lunch they normally invite a couple who are considered to symbolically represent either the dead parents or grandparents of the bride. This custom of feeding the poor is still followed in villages.

On the morning of the wedding the groom sends the bride her wedding gown, nightdress, veil, make up and all the clothes that she will require for the next day.


The Wedding

The bride seeks the blessings from her parents, grandparents, family and relatives before she leaves for the Church. The eldest sister of the groom escorts her to the Church as a sign that she is being welcomed into the new family. The marriage ceremony that follows is per the description given earlier.

Before the reception begins the bride's mother-in-law gives a Red Dress/Sari or Sado. The groom's sister then follows her mother and puts a sado over the bride's shoulder and a chain around her neck. Some prayers and snacks follow this. After the reception the bride's mother also presents her a sado.

On the wedding night, the nuptial bed is well decorated and money is placed under the pillows of the newly married couple. The money is kept there as a gift for the person tidying the bed the next morning.


After the Wedding

Next day the Portonnem is held - a dinner hosted by the bride's family for the couple and the others. At this function either the bride or her parents present the groom with gifts. After this dinner at the bride's home both, the bride and the groom proceed to the groom's house. They walk together showering rice over their shoulders taking care to see that they do not look back.

The bride is also given some bananas and cake so that she does not to go empty handed. Then a part of the wedding cake is given to the bride's family. A small slice along with half a banana is given to all relatives and friends of the bride This marks an end to a beautiful ceremony.
The Mangloreans usually have customs similar to those of the Goans, with a few variations here and there according to the region where the couple stay.

Amongst the Mangloreans after the bride is presented with the Sado midway through the wedding celebrations at the reception she changes into the sado accompanied by the female relatives of the groom to special songs. When the bride comes out fully decked in the sado and jewelry presented by her in-laws and her hair covered by a floral canopy, she and the groom take another march around the hall to the accompaniment of music and merriment.