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Nikaah, a Civil Contract.
One of the main requirements of marriage under Islamic law
is that both husband and wife should be of the same faith.
The Nikaah, according to Muslim law, is simply a civil contract
and its validity does not depend upon any religious ceremony.
This civil contract need not necessarily be put in writing;
but its validity depends upon the consent of the parties,
which is called ijab and qabul. Declaration and acceptance
in the presence of two male witnesses and a dower of no less
than ten dirhams, to be settled upon the bride. It must be
mentioned that even if this settlement is not made the marriage
is not invalidated.
After the Nikaah
After the nikaah the groom is taken to the zenana or ladies'
section. At the threshold, he gives money and gifts to the
sister of the bride. The groom receives the blessings of the
elder women and offers them his salaam or salutations. Dinner
is served separately to the ladies and the gentlemen. For
the first time, after dinner, both the couple are seated together
and a dupatta is used to cover their heads while the maulvi
or priest makes them read some prayers. The groom stays overnight
in a separate room at the girl's house with a younger brother.
In the morning the bridal couple are accompanied by the boy's
family to their home. During the rukhsat, the father of the
bride gives her hand to her husband and asks him to protect
her always.
Ceremony
Muslim law appoints no specific religious ceremony nor
any religious rites necessary for the contraction of a valid
marriage. In India there is little or no difference between
the rites practiced at the marriage ceremonies of the Shias
and Sunnis. The marriage rites amongst all the different Muslims
are the same except that at times the ceremonies become more
colourful depending upon the local customs of the different
regions.However, in all cases the religious ceremony is left
entirely to the discretion of the Qazi or person who performs
the ceremony. Consequently there is no uniformity of ritual.
Some Qazis merely recite the Fatihah, the first chapter of
the Quran, and the durud or blessing.The most common order
of performing the service is that the Qazi, the bridegroom
and the bride's attorney, with the witnesses assemble at a
convenient place. Arrangements are made as to the amount of
dower or mehr. The bridegroom then repeats various lines after
the Qazi ending with qabul, qabul, qabul.
Nikaah
"With whole heart and soul to my marriage with this
woman as well as the dower already upon her, I consent, I
consent, I consent." Marriage is enjoined upon every
Muslim. Thus, one sees even the ascetic orders getting married
are rather than remain single. The celebration of the marriage
contract is called nikaah.
Introduction
In India, as all over the world, a marriage is a time
for fun, joy and frolic. No where is this is more evident
than in the lavish marriage planned by the Bohris. Traditionally
it was the prerogative of the parents of both the boy and
the girl to decide how elaborate the marriage would be,and
thus all the rituals became a part of the elaborate marriage.
The meals they serve are sumptuous, the décor lavish,
the gifts flow freely and the bride and groom look beautiful
in their richly decorated clothes. Not to mention the guests.
These days there is a tendency to have simple marriage especially
when the couple themselves is planning the function. Here
we take a look at the marriage rituals of the Bohris. We have
included here most of the important functions, normally included
in the marriage ceremony be it lavish or simple.
The Proposal
Amongst the Bohris, it is usually the boy's family that
sends a proposal to the girl. An intermediary, normally an
aunt or uncle, is involved in the affair. He arranges a meeting
on a day, which is convenient to both the parties and introduces
the parties to each other. Nowadays meetings are arranged
in restaurants and other informal places where the boy and
girl can meet each other without pressures, unlike previously
when these meetings were arranged at the girl's house and
everyone that is the girl, her parents, and also the servants
of the house were nervous! Once the proposal is accepted,
the engagement ceremony is planned.
Engagement Ceremony
The Fuis or the paternal aunts of the boy and the girl
are very important for this ceremony. It consists of the fuis
sitting together, facing each other and feeding each other
sakar or sugar candy, and is taken as the start of a long
and sweet relationship between the two families. Traditionally,
the fuis were given a bag of sakar to take home but these
days sakar has been replaced by boxes of chocolates or sweets.
The boy and the girl exchange rings, and the elders of the
family feed each other sakar. In previous times this was a
small ceremony with only five representatives from both sides
attending the function. Times have changed now. From a simple
ceremony it has become an important one, followed by a lunch
or dinner depending on the time of day.
PAAN GULAB
The girl is then invited to her future in-laws house for
paan gulab. On this day the boy's mother feeds sweets to her
to-be daughter-in-law. Today paan gulab has been replaced
by ice cream. Clothes and jewellery also form part of the
gifts the mother-in-law gives the bride. The clothes given
are in an odd number like 21, 51, 101 or more depending upon
the wealth of the family, and are to be worn to wear these
clothes for the marriage functions that follow.
MAJLIS
The majlis is a prayer ceremony usually organised by the
girl's side and is mainly a ceremony for women at which relatives
of both sides are present. Specially appointed people read
the holy Koran. Basically this ceremony is a small get together
for both the families prior to the marriage. It is also believed
that reading the Koran adds sanctity to the entire atmosphere
of the marriage.
MEHENDI
Mehendi and its application are considered to be very
auspicious by the Bohris. Not only the bride and the groom,
but the all the family members also apply mehendi on their
hands and feet during this ceremony. It is usually conducted
two to three days prior to the Nikaah ceremony so that the
color of the mehendi is the brightest on the day of the Nikaah.
Previously, this was carried out by elderly people of the
families, but in present times a professional mehendi artiste
is employed for this purpose.
MAUSALA
Mausala is basically the gifts, mainly clothes, given
by the bride maternal uncle or mama to her mother. The number
of clothes gifted depends entirely on the mama's financial
position. Following this, the bride's mother gives gifts to
her immediate relatives. In case the bride does not have a
mama then any distant mama performs this duty
NIKAAH
The Bohris choose auspicious days according to the tithi
dates as per the holy calendar. There are certain days like
teej, i.e. the third day according to the calendar on a marriage
is never held. It is customary for the girl to wear Rida Kamjori
for the marriage. The rida is worn on top of a salwar kameez,
and consists of a ghagra and a flowing blouse with a veil
covering the head and the face. The veil is lifted only after
the Nikaah is over.
NIKAAH KA SALAAM
The newly weds are given a list of elders whom they have to
salaam or bow respectfully, upon which they are blessed by
the elders and gifted with money. For this purpose the bride
carries a small decorative basket. The Nikaah ceremony is
followed by lunch or dinner, depending upon the time.
As in most communities in India, there are certain dishes
are mandatory and in this respect the Bohri community is no
different. On this day thuli, a sweet dish and chana batata,
a spicy dish, are served signifying the sweetness and spice
that will be present in their life. The couple then visits
each other's homes where their parents perform this small
ritual for driving away evil spirits. In this ceremony mewa
(dried fruits, chocolates, money etc) is placed in a thali
or plate and is circulated around the couple seven times.
After the Nikaah ka salaam the bride goes back to her own
home. The couple is now allowed to meet only on their reception
day, normally planned for the day following the Nikaah.
KATHAA KUTUEKA
This ceremony is held at the bride's home. Special importance
is given to the bride's maternal aunts i.e. masi and mami.
The two, together, pound Katha (the brown paste used in paans)
in a mortar. This signifies the joint efforts put into the
marriage preparations by the family members. The bride's mother
then gives gifts to her relatives.
A similar ceremony is also carried out in the groom's house.
The importance of this ceremony has deteriorated in these
days. In present day marriage ceremonies women are included
in almost all the ceremonies hence the need for a special
function only for women is no more felt necessary.
MANDWA
This is another ceremony where the bride's mama or maternal
uncle is important. The mama takes a piece of red cloth and
places coconut, supari, money and rice grains in it. He then
ties this the cloth to the bride's door. This is believed
to keep the evil out of the bride's life.
RECEPTION
The reception is preceded by the haldi ceremony. Here
haldi or turmeric is applied to both the bride and the groom
separately in their respective houses. The application of
haldi is to enhance to the couple's enhance looks. However,
this custom has nowadays has fallen out of favour as most
couples prefer going to beauty parlours and salons for bridal
make up.
The bride wears clothes and jewelery given by her in-laws
on her engagement day. The reception expenditure is nowadays
divided between both the parties. The food is served in thals
or thalis. Bohris place a lot of importance on thals, which
are huge dishes generally one meter in diameter. Eight people
eat together from each thal. The number of thals depends on
the number of people invited for the reception. Men and women
sit at different thals. A change from the past is that in
these days and times the bride and the groom are allowed to
eat from one thal along with their friends and relatives.
A special dish called Sonandu is served. Bohri food is a classic
blend of sweet and spicy . These days the sweet mainly consists
of ice cream or soufflés, which are served in a big
bowl from which all eight people eat together. The spicy items
are usually chicken tikka, chicken tandoori and other such
mouth-watering dishes. Bohris love their food and this is
especially noticed during their marriage feasts.
BIDAAI
The bidaai or bidding farewell takes place after the reception.
It is a very sad moment for the bride's parents and relatives
as they send their daughter away to her husband's home. A
deviation from the past is that now many parents accompany
the bride to her new house. The bride's mama carries a lighted
lamp and escorts the bride to her new home. This signifies
the lighting of the path tread by the couple.
A lot of friends and family members accompany the newly wed
to their nuptial room. The groom is then made to dole out
money so as to buy solitude.
The next morning the newlyweds visit the bride's parents.
The groom has to lift his bride and break the mandwa (red
piece of cloth with coconut , supari etc) , which is tied
on the door by the bride's mama. The couple then stay to lunch.
And they live happily ever after!!
INTRODUCTION
Kashmir brings to mind the natural beauty of the state
- the mighty Himalyas or misty valleys, the houseboats and
shikaras,r the beautifully embroidered shawls and the fair
sharp featured, the good-looking people. The Kashmiris are
not only blessed with beautiful landscapes but also with handsome,
lovely looks. Kashmir runs basically on tourism and then handicrafts.The
richness of the land is also reflected in their marriage ceremonies.In
the past the marriage functions stretched for days together
but in today's circumstances the marriage ceremonies have
been cut down. We take a look at a Kashmiri marriage.
THAP
Thap literally means to catch somebody and in this ceremony
the boy and the girl engage each other for a marriage. The
meeting of the boy and the girl is usually outside the home,
in public places. The main reason being that if the boy does
not approve of the girl the two can separate easily rather
than meeting up at home and getting into awkward situations.
The couple usually meets at dargahs or mosques or even the
Mogul gardens.
Amongst Kashmiri Muslims the girl normally does not have the
freedom to reject the boy, whereas the boy may do so. So when
a girl comes for the tha' she has already accepted him as
her mate and she has to wait for the boy's side of the family
to express their acceptance of the match.When the couple accepts
each other, rings and flowers are exchanged. After this exchange
the two families return to their respective homes where their
close relatives are waiting to welcome them. nmmnbmnm
In the coming days the girl's family have send vazvan, an
exclusive meal prepared by special Kashmiri cooks to the boy's
house. It consists of 50-60 dishes prepared with exclusive
herbs and spices. Chefs called vazas cook the vazvan food
specially during marriage ceremonies. Huge vessels are filled
with vazvan dishes, consisting of 10-5 mutton dishes, another
10-15chicken dishes and many varieties of biryani.When a marriage
is fixed in a Kashmiri family up to 40 vazas are employed
for cooking the feast. Big Kashmiri houses have special provisions
to put up vazas for the marriage days and also have enough
capacity to store the big deyhs or vessels used for cooking
the vazvans.
The vazvan food is sent to the boy's house where this food
is distributed by the boy's family to their close relatives
and friends. The arrival of vazvan dishes at the relatives
place signifies the announcement of the engagement of the
boy.
ENGAGEMENT CEREMONY
There are two types of engagements and the couple's parents
can decide which engagement ceremony they would prefer. The
first type of engagement ceremony is called Nikaah in which
for all religious and practical purposes the couple is married
to each other. Some Kashmiris have a nikaah ceremony but the
girl continues to stay with her parents; whereas in other
cases after the nikaah engagement the girl moves in with her
fiance in his house.
The second type of engagement is called the Mabadh ceremony.
This type of an engagement ceremony has to be late followed
by a proper nikaah'or a marriage ceremony. We now take a close
look at these engagement ceremonies.
NIKAAH CEREMONY
In complete sense this is a marriage ceremony after which
the bride and the groom are considered married. The girl applies
mehendi on her palms and legs a couple of days before the
engagement ceremony. In the past when the Shatush shawls,
a rare and highly prized item, were not banned the girl's
family use to present the boy's family members with 'shatush'
shawls (made from the hide of the shatush deer). The boy does
not accompany his relatives to the girl's house but instead
he sends his Vakil or representative, who can be either his
mamu or maternal uncle or chacha or paternal uncle. The girl
is presented with jewellery and clothes. The nikaah is read
by the maulvi or priest. The girl's family sends gifts called
haziri to the boy's house, Gifts are sent along with majmas
or big copper thalis filled with sweets,dry fruits, jams,
fresh fruits etc. The number of Majmas sent vary from seven
to eleven even going up to a hundred.
The boy's side of the family is invited to dinner where the
vazvan food is served consisting of 30-35 dishes. The menu
includes 4 to 5 different types of chutneys, 4-5 chicken dishes,
and many different varieties of mutton dishes. A speciality
known as mudjan or sweet pilau is also served.
After the relatives leave, the family's friends are invited.
The friends are served a special Kashmiri tea known as kehwa.
Kehwa is a herbal tea brewed in by copper pots and is served
with Shirmal, a special type of Kashmiri rot or breadi.
On the day of the engagement the girl is made to change her
lehenga three to four times.
NIKAAH DINNER
In the past Kashmiri marriages use to take place at midnight,
but in these troubled times due to uncertain circumstances
the marriages are held early in the evening. Dinner is served
early, for the convenience of the guests. The food served
is the same vazvan food served with Kashmiri phirni, halwa
and kulfi. Here again ladies and gentsmen are seated separately.
The close relatives of the boy can enter the shamiana where
the girl is seated. They take the chance to have a look at
the bride and at the same time to present her with gifts.
The engagement period varies from a couple of months to a
couple of years.When the boy's parents decide to brings the
bride home, a wedding function is organised. There are no
rituals and rites to be performed on the marriage day but
it is only a get together of the two families. The marriage
functions go on for a period of for three days.
FIRST DAY FUNCTION
This function is organised at the girl's place and is
called Muchravum. On this day the girl ties small plaits to
her hair, which are later unbraided by all the married ladies
of the family. The ladies unbraid the plaits and apply oil
to the bride's hair. The function is accompanied by good amount
of fun and teasing and winds up with everyone showering their
choicest blessings on the bride.
SECOND DAY FUNCTION
Small, unmarried girls from the boy's family get mehendi
for the bride.And apply it on the bride's hands and feet.
The bride is bedecked in all her bridal jewellery. The mehendi
function is followed by a dinner. The men of the family are
given respect and served special food on this day. The groom's
sister applies mehendi on his little finger, but only after
he gifts them with some cash.
THIRD DAY FUNCTION
On this day the baraat comes to the bride's house. The
baraat is called Yenevol. The bride is dressed in a red lehenga.
On this day the bride is bathed by her mother and aunts and
then dressed in the traditional salwar kameez called ghusul.
There is a small get together in the girl's house before the
arrival of the baraat. The bride's mamis or maternal aunts
stay back for the function and when the baraatis come they
are served kehwa. The ladies from the groom's side do not
attend the function.The ladies in the family sing traditional
wedding songs called vanvun.The groom is showered with coins
and almonds. All the relatives present at this function garland
the groom.The groom is then served dinner in big plates called
tramis. The baraatis are served food along with phirni, halwa,
rasmalai and kulfi.
The amount of the mehr is fixed at this time. This usually
does not exceed Indian Rupees one lakh. Mehr is a sum of money,
which the husband has to give his wife anytime after marriage
and in case there is a divorce the amount has to be given
immediately.
The groom wears a special turban called karakuli topi when
he enters the house. Meanwhile the bride finishes her packing
and the couple gets ready to leave. The groom enters the car
before the bride and asks for permission to take away the
bride.
The next seven days see a number of guests, bearing gifts
and dry fruits, visiting the respective homes of the boy and
the girl. On the third or the fourth day after the wedding
the bride and the groom visit the girl's home. They are served
an elaborate dinner. On the seventh day the bride's aunts
visit her and a small party is organised.
Following this they take the bride with them for a few days.
With all these functions the marriage celebrations come to
an end.
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