Approaching the boy
In modern times the girl's parents approach an astrologer and
seek the horoscopes of elegible boys. The Astrologer takes the
horoscope of the girl and tries to match the same with that
of a suitable boy. Once both the horoscopes tally, the girl's
parents make the first move and approach the boy's parents for
an alliance. The boy's parents too confirm with their own Astrologer
whether the horoscopes tally. If both the parties are satisfied,
on an auspicious day the girl's parents invite the boy and his
parents over to their house for meeting the girl. Traditionally,
the girl is expected to display her skills during this meeting.
She is closely watched for any defects. In case both the boy
and the girl like each other, in consultation with a priest,
the parents decide on a date and time for the engagement or
"Nischayatamboolam". The parents of both the boy together
decide on the gifts to be presented to the boy and the girl.
Nischayatamboolam or Engagement
Amongst the Iyers, no ceremony takes places without the presence
of a Vedic expert or vaadyar, as he is called. "Nischaya"
means to decide and "Tamboola" means Beatle leaves.
According to Vedic rites and in the presence of the priest and
very close relatives, the parents of the boy and girl exchange
beetle leaves finalizing the alliance. Both the parties pay
a nominal fee to the priest as honorarium for his service. The
boy and the girl are not needed for this function. On the day
of the engagement, the parents decide on a date and time for
the wedding. This is decided based on the stars of the boy and
the girl. Horoscopes are very important in these weddings since
the dates and time of all important functions are decided based
on the stars of the couple. All such decisions are taken in
consultation with the priest. Both the parents sign a Memorandum
Of Understanding (MOU) prepared by the chief priest.
Wedding Invitations
Previously, marriage invitations were hand written on palm leaves
either in Tamil or Malayalam. The giving of invitation is a
big affair. The girl's parents visit their relatives and request
them to attend the wedding ceremonies. Guests are invited to
stay with the family for a few days before and after the wedding.
The same procedure is followed by the boy's parents in case
of their relatives and friends. Traditionally, it was mandatory
that husband and the wife went together and invite their relative
and friends. The husband takes with him - "Shobhanakshata"
(rise soaked in turmeric) in a silver cup and invites the male
members of a family and the wife takes "kumkum" and
invites the female members of a family. "Shobhanakshata"
and "kumkum" are considered most sacred on all auspicious
occasions of an Iyer family. The male members of the family
apply "Akshata" (rice covered with kumkum) on their
foreheads and ladies do the same with "Kumkum" and
formally accept the invitation. No auspicious or religious function
of an Iyer family starts without decorating the floors of the
premises with "Kolam" i.e. Rangoli. Kolam is made
of rice- paste and beautiful designs are created on the floor
using this paste. Expert family members draw these designs on
all, important places of the premises. Generally, designs of
Lotus flowers, conch and tiny feet of Lord Krishna are drawn.
Second Nishchayatartham
The Second Nishchayatartham is in the presence of bride and
bridegroom. This is a ceremony that takes place on the eve of
the marriage (i.e. one day before the marriage day). The MOU
prepared by the parents, in the presence of the priest is read
here. This engagement is a confirmation of the earlier engagement.
The priest conducts these ceremonies amidst chanting of the
mantras. The bride's brother puts the wedding ring around the
right hand ring finger of the bridegroom and the bridegroom's
sister puts the wedding ring around the left hand ring finger
of the bride. Following this both the bride and the bridegrooms
are asked to wear their new clothes visit a near by temple.
Maappilay Azhaippu
This means the red carpet welcoming of the bridegroom. The bride's
parents give a rousing welcome to the bridegrooms procession
which will be taken out on the near by streets of the village.
This is done on the eve of the marriage. The Well-dressed bridegroom
is mounded on a chariot driven by horses (nowadays in well decorated
cars) to the accompaniment of the Naadaswaram. The bride parents
warmly welcome the bridegrooms and receive him with arti, to
ward off evil. Thereafter, sandalwood paste and Kumkum is applied
to the bridegroom's forehead. The bridegroom is garlanded. After
welcoming the bridegroom, the next function is Nischayatartham
again. With the visit to the temple, that day's function on
the eve of marriage gets over. This is followed by special dinner
for all the guests.
Marriage Day Functions
The day begins with melodies Naadaswaram music, played early
in the morning at 3.00 am. The bridegroom wakes up early.
After his bath, the bridegroom has to change his sacred thread
and then perform the morning Sandhya vandana (a kind of nature
worship where all natural elements sun, the moon, water, fire,
air are worshipped for all the good things they have done
and a repentance for all the sins committed consciously or
unconsciously by mind, word and deed). Sandhyavandana is performed
to purify both mind and body.
Samidhadhanam
Thereafter the bridegroom has to perform "Samidhadhanam"
a " havan" or "homam" usually performed
by Brahmachari's (un marriage boys).
Vratham
This is the day on which the bridegroom will make an entry
in to the "Grishasthashrama" state from his present
"Brahmacharyashram" state, he has to again perform
another ritual called "Vratham" under the guidance
of the chief priest. Through the chanting of vedic verses
the bridegroom makes a "sankalpa" or vow that he
strictly adhere to all the "Grihasthashrama Dharma"
or duties of a married life as prescribed in the vedic scriptures.
After this Sankalpa he is asked to wear the sacred thread
having 6 threads instead of the 3 threads worn by Brahmacharis
(or Bachelors). The bride groom is expected to fast till this
"Vratha" is over. After this function is over, the
bridegroom is given a heavy breakfast. Similarly all guests
are served a heavy breakfast as all the marriage functions
take at least 2 to 3 hours thus delaying lunch.
The marriage functions begin either before the start of Raahu
Kalam or after the end of Rahu Kalam. "Rahu" (one
of the nine planets) (Kaalam means time) as it is believed,
will cast its evil effects on the couples that are tying their
wedding knots during "Rahu Kalam". The chief Priest
takes care of all these things. The ceremonies start with
a Ganapati Pooja invoking Lord Ganesha (Elephant faced son
of Lord Shiva) the destroyer of all obstacles, to conduct
the auspicious functions. With the chanting of a variety of
mantras and Vedic hymns ,the chief priest and his team of
expert please all the heavenly Gods and Goddesses and seek
their blessings for the couple. Next the bridegroom will have
to wear a new "Dhoti" (Pattu Veshti) and the bride
a new sari (pattusari) and blouse given to them. Thereafter
the bridegroom sits with his parents and the bride sits with
hers. A red thread is tied around the bride's waist to protect
her from evil spirits and to ward off all evil. Guests are
received with great fan fare at the wedding hall.
Kaasi Yatra or Pardeshi Kolam
In olden days a Brahmin boy who practiced brahmacharya and
engaged in the study of vedas and Upanisads from the age of
5 had a tendency to run away from the institution of marriage
and proceed his journey to Kaasi to do penance in pursuit
of higher echelons of spiritual life. Marriage, he felt, came
in the way of his spirituals pursuit. Hence this reluctance.
This did not mean that he was totally averse marriage. As
he was born and brought up in a religious and spiritual atmosphere,
it took some time for him to come out of it and accept the
new change. He therefore required some prompting from the
parent of the girl, who were eagerly waiting to get a suitable
boy for their daughter.
In this ceremony, a mock Kashi Yatra, when the boy embarks
on his journey to Kaasi, the girl's parents follow him and
request him to stop going to Kaasi and come back and accept
their daughter as his wife and enter the state of grihishthashrama.
The girl's parents extol the good qualities of their daughter
and how she will make a good wife to him if he marries her.
After some persuasion and coaxing, the boy returns and promises
to marry the girl.
By performing this ritual, the Brahmin boy is asked to shed
his Brahmacharya and enter family life.
Although this ritual is symbolic of an act of the past, people
still enjoy performing this ritual even today as it very entertaining
to watch the actions. Both the bride and the bridegroom exchange
garlands a number of times. The girl's maternal uncle / uncles
holds the girl aloft on their shoulders and play friendly
mischief with the boy. The boy's relatives also retort in
a friendly atmosphere.
After this function, the bride and bridegroom are brought
to the main marriage hall and the bridegroom is asked to chant
Vedic mantras and pray to Varuna, Brihaspati, Indra and the
Sun Gods to shower their blessings on his wife for all happiness
in their married life.
Oonchal Aattam
The next function is "Oonchal Aattam" "Oonchal"
means Jhoola in Hindi or a swing "Aattam" means
swinging. The bride and bridegroom sit on the swing and are
gently swung by their relatives. The women of the house sing
songs. Ladies also go round the couple with lighted lamps
and dropping water on the floor. While the bride and bride
-groom are seated on the swing, the bride's father washes
the bridegroom's feet with milk and wipes them with a silk
towel. Then follows the ritual of keeping away the evil spirits.
This is done by taking balls of cooked rice dipped in lemon
juice and moving it in circles in front of the couple- a ritual
widely followed amongst all Hindus. It is believed that the
chains of the swing (Oonchal) represents a strong and divine
bondage between the bride and bridegroom and the forward and
backward movements of the swing represents the ups and downs
of a family life.
Paalikai Thelikkal.
Paalikai means mud - pot. Thelikkal means to sprinkle. 9 pots
separately containing cereals sown two days prior to the wedding
are watered by the ladies. The pots contain 9 different cereals.
These will sprout on the day of the wedding. The sight of
sprouted cereals is soothing to the eyes. After the marriage
is over, these mud-pots with sprouted cereals are set to float
down a river. This is done to please the "Ashtadikpakkas".
- the sentries who are guarding the 8 directions of the heaven.
(i.e. North, South, East, West, North-West, South-west, North-east,
and South-east)). This is also done for blessing the newly
married couple with a healthy life and to beget healthy children.
Kanyadaan
The next important function is the "Kanyadaan".
Here the bride's father willingly gives his daughter's (Kanya's)
hands to the bridegroom and this act is known as "Kanyadaan".
For this, the bride sits on her fathers lap. A round band
made of "Kulampullu" (a kind of grass) is fitted
on the bride's head. Then the gold "Maugalyasutra"
is kept on "Dharbhapullu" (a dry grass called "Dharba"
or "Kusha") kept near the bride and water is poured
on the "Mangalsutra" by the priest chanting mantras
the meaning of which is as under: - "Let this gold in
Mangalsutra increase your wealth. Let this water purify and
protect your married life".
Thereafter, the bride has to take a bath. After this, she
is made to wear the traditional 9-yard long Kancheepuram silk
sari. This sari is called the "Koorai Pudava". The
bridegroom's sister helps the bride wear the sari. This gesture
is an indication that the bride is welcomed in the bridegroom's
family. A belt made of " Earalchedi" (a kind of
green plant) is tied around the bride's waist; amidst chanting
of mantras whose meaning is as under - "She stands near
the pure fire. With her blessed soul and healthy body, she
makes a vow that through the creeper of this plant ( tied
to her waist) She will lead a married life and live with her
husband and children throughout life". At this time the
bride's father says - "I am giving my daughter to you
in marriage. She is pure in mind. She is intelligent and full
of good qualities. I have given my daughter ornaments according
to my capacity. After marriage, she will protect dharma, love,
and wealth". The bridegroom who attentively listens to
the above promise made by the bride's father in turn makes
the following promise three times - He declares that he will
be faithful to his wife. At this time the bride ties one garland
around bridegroom's waist. This garland consists of raw turmeric
pieces tied to it. This act is called " "Kankanadharanam".
Likewise, another garland of the same type is tied by the
bridegroom around bride's waist.
Thalikettu
The next and the most important of all functions is the "Thalikettu"
i.e. the tying of "Mangalsutra". The tying of "Mangalsutra"
takes place only exactly during the auspicious time already
fixed earlier by the priests. The auspicious time is called
the "Muhoortham". This function can also be called
the climax of all other functions. For tying "Mangalsoothra",
the bride has to face east and the bridegroom west. The "Mangalsoothra"
or "Thaali" is 3mm thick cotton thread which is
coated with turmeric paste to give it an yellow colour. Two
gold coins with "Shiva-lingam" emblem inscribed
on them will be tied to it. These hang exactly midway on this
thread. The sound of Naadasware music reaches its peak while
the bridegroom ties the "Mangalsoothra" around the
neck of the bride. The first knot is tied by the bridegroom.
The second and the third knots are tied by the bridegroom's
sisters. The marriage is thus solemnised. All those witnessing
these proceedings, shower flowers and rice soaked in turmeric
on the newly married couple and bless them.
Tears of joy and separation roll down the cheeks of the girl's
parents as their beloved daughter enters a new world. The
daughter in equally emotionally choked and weeps while embracing
her parents, brothers and sisters and bids good bye to her
maternal family. During this particular occasion, some ladies
sing song . After the "Mangalsutra" is tied the
priest again chants mantras and also asks the bridegroom to
repeat the same, which conveys the following meaning - "I
pray God that I must live long. I also pray God that you as
my wife through this knot should also live and remain a "Sumangali"
and "Soubhagyavah" forever.
Further, both the bride and bridegroom hold hands and repeat
the following prayer: - "It is the Gods who have made
us for each other. We will never separate from each other
even in old age". By clutching his wife's hand, the husband
walks with her round the fire seven times. Even as the chanting
continues . It is at this time that money is distributed to
those who participated in the function.
Offering to Agni Devata
Another important ritual of marriage is making an offering
to Agni Devata - the fire God. By standing around the fire-pit,
the priest pours pure ghee into the burning fire. The Fire
God is the most powerful in the Universe. That is the reason
why the Fire God is considered the main witness to marriage.
A hand- operated grinding stone is kept near the Pit of fire.
This Stone represents a firm rock. The husband helps his wife
to keep her legs on this stone by holding her left toe. This
is to convey that his wife's mind should be as firm as a rock
and that her mind should not waver under any circumstances.
The husband then shows the star of "Arundhati" i.e.Arundhati
Nakshatra in the sky indicating that his wife also should
be as faithful to him as Arundhati was to her husband Maharishi
Vasishta.
Lajjamoham
The next function is " Lajjamoham". The wife' brother/brothers
put some beaten rice into the hands of their newly married
sister. The wife puts this rice in the hands of her husband
and husband in turn puts this into the fire. This is considered
a blessing from her brother, for a long life for both the
sister and her husband. The fire used for this purpose is
specially brought from the wife's house in a new mud pot.
Grihapravesham
The newly married couple are taken to the husband's house.
The ceremony where the new bride enters the husband's home
for the first time is called "Grihapravesham". In
the husband's house, the husband's sister gives milk and fruits
to the couple. After they return from the husband's house,
the newly married couple is blessed by one and all. A variety
of marriage gifts both in cash and kind are given to the boy
and the girl by their respective close relatives and friends.
A sumptuous lunch follows. This is the first time that the
newly married couple have lunch together.
At around 4 pm the newly married couple play "Nelangu".
There is not much religious significance attached to it. This
is only a game to be played by the boy and the girl sitting
10 feet away facing each other and passing and rolling a full
coconut from one end to the other like a ball. All those present
make fun. The game is a way to get the two to know each other
better. Thus the marriage comes to a grand finale. The guests
return home. All the guests are be given a coconut and some
sweets as a token of love and gratitude for having attended
the marriage and blessed the couple.
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