Amongst all the communities in India the Punjabis are known
for their lavish, extravagant marriage. The marriage are fun-filled
dos, involving a lot of singing, dancing and elaborate rituals.
Men, sporting colourful pagdis or turbans and women are seen
in rich clothes of bright hues accompanied by heavy jewellery.
Punjabi marriage are performed according to Hindu rites. Some,
however, prefer the ceremony to be done the Arya Samaj way.
The Arya Samajis believe that there is only one community -
the human community. Thus, they basic rituals to be specifically
followed. All the rituals that are seen during a marriage, i.e.
the pre marriage, the marriage, post-marriage stages are those
ceremonies followed by the community to which either one or
both belong. The homa or fire worship is the only ritual that
is necessary in an Arya Samaj marriage.
PREMARRIAGE CEREMONY
Shagun
The shagun is a small engagement ceremony held before the actual
engagement ceremony. This ceremony is always held at the boy's
house and to which the girl's relatives and friends are invited.
The girl is never present for the ceremony as it is considered
inauspicious. The girl's family attends this function during
which they gift the close relatives of the groom with sweets
and other gifts. The boy's parents apply a tilak on his and
gift him with a watch or a gold bracelet. Tilak is also applied
to the other relatives and gifts comprising saris, silver vessels
or electronic items are presented.
According to custom, the bride's mother applies tilak to the
groom's mother. Likewise the bride's father does the same to
the groom's father and so on. All the family members feed each
other mithai or traditional Indian sweets. The function comes
to an end with songs and the traditional Bhangra folk dance
of the Punjabis. Sometimes, the bride the family late in the
evening for a vegetarian dinner. AryaSamaj people do not partake
of non-vegetarian food until all the marriage ceremonies are
completed.
Mata ke Chawki
This small ceremony is arranged separately by both the boy's
as well as the girl's houses. The elders of the family participate
in the Kirtan or singing of religious songs. The kirtan is a
prayer invocation to mataji for the happiness of the couple.
The bride and groom seek the blessings of the elders. Refreshments
by way of special snacks, cold drinks and tea are served.
Ring ceremony
Prior to the ring ceremony the bride applies mehendi. The groom's
sisters send the mehendi for application plus a little extra
amount to the bride's house. In the morning, at the bride's
residence a small puja is held invoking the blessings of God
as well as the family's ancestors. After this the bride applies
haldi or turmeric on her face and arms. The applying of haldi
goes back to ancient times when it was believed that its application
enhanced the looks of the bride.
Today the ceremony is held only to make an auspicious beginning.
The girl's brother applies oil to her hair signifies grooming
of the bride before the ceremony. On the ring or engagement
day the boy's family presents the girl with a dress and jewellery,
which she has to compulsorily wear. That dress and jewellery,
the present of her in-laws, is worn today. The dress is generally
a ghagra choli or lehenga or sharara. The boy and the girl exchange
rings and feed each other mithai. In addition to the dress and
jewellery gifts, the in-laws present the bride with cosmetics,
perfumes, silver vessels and the like. These days the ring ceremony
is held either in hotels or banquet halls.
Generally the ceremony is an evening one as it easier for relatives
and friends to attend it. Professional musicians and dancers
entertain the guests at night. The entire family joins in the
rejoicing and dancing. The function winds up with a vegetarian
buffet dinner. A lot of attention is paid to the food being
served and a variety of dishes are served. These days the couple
also cuts a cake as a part of the ring ceremony.
Chuda ceremony
The chuda ceremony is a compulsory part of all Punjabi marriages.
On this day the girl awakens before sunrise, has a bath and
dresses in saffron coloured clothes, preferably a sari. She
also wears a special bracelet. Known as gana, made of shells
and metal alloys on her right hand and right foot. This bracelet
is called 'gana'. Depending upon how much they can afford, in-laws
also present the girl with a small piece of jewellery such as
a bangle, earrings, nose rings. Only the immediate family members
witness this function at which light snacks are served.
On completion of this ceremony the girl's maternal uncle or
mama and maternal aunt or mami make her don chuda or red and
white bangles. These bangles are Chuda is available at any shop
selling marriage items. Chuda used to be made of ivory. Nowadays
since ivory is a banned item the bangles are available in plastic.
Once the bride wears the bangles the same are not removed until
after the wedding. At the same she takes the utmost care of
the bangles as any breakage is considered inauspicious. When
the bride is completely ready for the marriage, she is made
to wear kaliras. Kaliras are golden foils tied to each of the
bride's bangles, thereby enhancing the glamour of the bride
of her hands.
Groom's haldi ceremony
The marriage days sees the groom's family performing the haldi
ceremony for him. The boy's sister applies haldi to his body;
a time of great rejoicing, as the groom's sisters surround him
and apply haldi together and tear off his clothes. The sisters
wear pink duppattas and carry matkas or pots on their heads.
Custom decrees that the boy's sisters to get water from another
house or a neighbour's house and bathe their brother. To use
the water from his own house is inauspicious and invitation
to ill luck.
Barat / Sehara Bandhi
A small puja or havan or worship of fire is performed before
the groom leaves for the marriage. The groom's brother-in-law
helps him tie a sehra or a big turban on his head. Once the
sehra is worn, it is only removed after the marriages over.
Small garlands of flowers are tied in front of the sehra to
cover the groom's face. After the groom is adorned with the
sehra, his sisters proceed to feed the ghodi or mare on which
the groom will ride to the venue.
The ghodi is fed chana dal or black gram dal. The sisters then
try to prevent their brother from mounting the mare, and allow
him to do so only after receiving gifts from himThe groom's
sister-in law, his bhabhi or his brother's wife now applies
surma or kajal in his eyes ostensibly keep evil away from him.
The sisters apply tilak on his forehead and make him wear a
garland of money, usually made up of Rs.5 or Rs.10 or Rs.100
notes. The groom is then handed a knife with which he cuts the
bark of a nearby tree. The groom along with his entire family
and a musical band proceed towards the marriage hall.
This procession is called a barat and proceeds very slowly since
most of the younger members of the family and friends usually
dance all the way to the hall. At the venue of the marriage,
the bride's family welcomes the procession. The bride's brother
helps the groom to descend from the mare and proceeds towards
the mandap or dais for the marriage ceremonies. After the couple
is seated at the mandap, they play a small game. The bride holds
a ring tightly in her fist, while the groom has to forcefully
open her fist and extract the ring.
It is popularly believed that if the groom fails to open the
bride's fist, the bride will be the dominating partner in their
relationship.
Reception
Punjabi marriages are held according to the muharat or auspicious
time. The Punjabi muharat is usually late at night and due to
this reason the reception is held before the couple has taken
their seven pheras steps. As soon as the couple settles down
after the exchange of garlands all the guests proceed to the
dais to congratulate and wish them. The guests are invited to
partake of a grand dinner, normally vegetarian. Many paneer
dishes are served along with samosas, patties, etc. and a variety
of sweets like ras malai, jalebis, kheer, gajar ka halwa / carrot
halwa, etc. are served. A separate counter is set up ice creams,
kulfis and soufflés. Only after meeting all the invitees,
the couple have dinner at a special table, decorated with flowers
and vegetable arrangements. The couple is fed by their relatives
amidst a lot of fun and clicking of photographs. After dinner
the couple proceeds towards the mandap for the pheras.
Pheras
The dais where the havan or sacred fire is lit is called the
vedi. The girl's parents commence the marriage puja called Kanyadaan
or giving away of their daughter in marriage. The girl's parents
fast on the nuptial day and break the fast only after they perform
the kanyadaan. The father places the bride's hand in the groom's
hand as the pundit begins the marriage puja. The couple now
take pheras around the holy fire. The bride's brother puts phulli
or puffed rice into her hands, which she throws in the holy
fire. In the first four pheras the groom is made to walk in
the front. He promises to take care of his wife and to look
after her in sickness and in bad times. In the last three pheras
the bride is made to walk in front of the groom and makes a
vow that if death comes she will be the one to die first. After
the pheras are over the groom puts sindhoor or the vermilion
mark of married women in the bride's hair, and ties a mangal
sutra or marriage necklace around her neck. They are now married
and receive blessings from the elders, while being showered
with flowers by the family members. Now follows a traditional,
playful Indian custom, common in most Indian communities. While
the groom is busy with his relatives, the bride's sisters hide
his shoes, and gets his shoes back only after he gives his sisters-in-law
gifts of cash and gold rings called kalichris. With this the
nuptial rituals and festivities come to an end and the bride
is ready for her bidaai or farewell
Bidaai
Before the couple leaves the marriage hall, the bride's brother
picks her up asks to leave her fingerprints of sindhoor on a
nearby door. The bride while leaving takes a handful of rice
and throws it over her head. This ritual means that although
she is now leaving her parents' home and her past and heading
for a new life they are still in her thoughts. The bride's relatives
throw a lot of coins nearby, which are collected by the poor.
Now the couple leaves in a car along with the bride's brother,
which is given a gentle push by her father,with the wishes-
BABUL KI DUAAEN LETI JA JA TUJHKO SUKHI SANSAR MILE
warm welcome to new......................
On arrival at his house, the groom's mother awaits them at the
entrance with aarti in her hand. A pot of rice is kept near
the door, which the bride has to topple over with her right
leg so that the rice scatters in the house. This action indicates
that the bride will bring good luck, prosperity to the house
and will never want for money or food. The bride is then given
a big thali / plate of atta or wheat flour. The bride, now takes
the atta in both hands and distributes it to each of the relatives,
who in turn immediately hand it back to her. During this exchange
it is customary that a minimum amount of atta falls in the bride's
thali. This is done as the belief is that the bride will not
be able to get along with the person if the exchange of this
atta has not been clean. After this function the couple is escorted
to their room
Muh Dikhajee
The morning after the marriage Muh Dikhajee is performed when
the relatives see the bride's face for the first time after
the marriage. couple takes the blessings of their relatives.
The bride receives a lot of gifts.
Reception
A reception is not compulsory but many Punjabi families hold
it. The reception, if held, is by the groom's family with non-vegetarian
food and alcoholic drinks. With the completion of the reception
the couple is blessed for a long and happy married life
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