As in every society, The Sikh society has its traditions marking
every stage of life from birth to death. Perhaps no other event
is more surrounded by tradition than marriage.
Throughout India, till a generation ago, most of the marriages
were arranged and it was usual for the bride and groom to meet
for the first time at the marriage ceremony itself. Nowadays
emphasis is on the personal preferences of the young people
and families accept the children's wish to get to know the intended
spouse prior to making a commitment. Given the fact that marriage
in India represents a very strong and lifetime commitment and
society accepts divorce is normally frowned upon and accepted
only in the most extreme circumstances .This is an understandable
wish.
MARCHING TO THE MARRIAGE
THAKA
A Sikh marriage takes but a few minutes, but it lasts for three
days. A formal betrothal or kurmai is unnecessary but if both
parties desire, a token betrothal is made by the girl's parents
visiting the boy's parents on a mutually agreed upon day. After
the young people have decided to get married, the first step
is a simple ceremony called rokai or thaka. The engagement ceremony,
or mangani, takes place after the boy's family comes to the
girl's house for Chuni or wedding veil, at which time the girl
is also given a ring, clothes and jewellery, and in the presence
of friends and relatives the intended marriage is announced.
Prayers are said at this time, and the couple exchange gifts.
A shagan is exchanged, signifying the consent of the two families,
and it may even be Rs. 1/-. A custom peculiar to the Sikhs is
maiyan or the confinement of the bride and groom for a few days
prior to marriage, when they are not allowed to go out or change
their clothes. Gana, an auspicious and holy red thread ceremony
takes place during this period. It is tied on the right hand
for the groom and on the left hand for the bride.
A couple of days prior to the marriage is the Vatna ceremony.
During this ceremony, a scented powder consisting of barley
flour, turmeric and mustard oil called vatna is applied to the
bride. The same is done at the groom's house. They are then
scrubbed clean under the shade of a bagh or a phulkari cloth.
The night before the actual wedding the girl's maternal relatives
carry diyas or lamps to all their relatives at night. The relatives
fill the diyas with oil according to custom and go singing and
dancing all the way. This is followed by Mehendi and Sangeet
ceremony when the girl's hands and feet are adorned with beautiful
patterns to the accompaniment of singing and jollity and dancing
the gidda dance throughout the night to the beat of the dholak
and the chamcha
On the morning of the wedding day the groom's sister-in-law
and other female relatives go to a Gurdwara to fill an earthen
pitcher or gharoli with water, which is then used to bathe the
groom. Thereafter khare charna is performed in which the groom
is made to sit on a stool for his bath and four girls hold a
cloth to his head. A similar bathing ritual is performed at
bride's house as well. The bride is then made to wear 21 bangles
in red ivory and kalerien dangling golden metal plates.
BARAT The marriage itself is a grand affair stretching over
several days and attended by all the relatives and innumerable
friends. The women have a sing-song and dance affair going on
several nights prior to the marriage. The bridegroom's entourage,
the barat, has its own customs to observe - more singing and
dancing, decking up the bridegroom, tying a sort of ornamental
veil or sehra, over his face, leading him in procession, often
on horseback, to the marriage venue to the accompaniment of
a brass band. The bridegroom's escort during the barat procession
is the next eligible bachelor in the family. Milni is the ceremonial
welcome of the barat at the gate of the marriage venue, when
more gifts change hands with the bridegroom's family on the
receiving end. Feasting is on a lavish scale.
LAWAN PHERE
The religious ceremony is conducted by any learned man or woman
or the granthi looking after the Sri Guru Granth Sahib. The
ceremony starts when everyone stands for the singing of the
Ardas indicating the two families' consent to the marriage.
The couple is considered married only after they have walked
around the sacred fire lawan phere.
The Lavan hymn, in four stanzas, by Guru Ram Das, is sung thereafter,
describing love between the wife or soul and the husband or
God. The Sikh couple will sit before the holy book, the Guru
Granth Sahib, while prayers are said and the granthi instructs
them on the duties and significance of marriage; and finally
they will walk around the Guru Granth Sahib. The congregation
is then served with the sacramental pudding, Karhah Parshad
to signify the end of the marriage ceremony.
The above circling or phere is a symbolic gesture signifying
their commitment to each other and that the Granth is always
the center of their lives from now on. The four nuptial rounds
stand for the following;
1. to be true to one's own soul through personal spiritual practice
and to be on the spiritual path and committed to righteousness
2. meeting the True Guru and rising above their personalities
and commitment to the institution of marriage as a part of their
spiritual journey
3. the couple has been blessed as a part of the Sadh Sangat
and that their lives should be an example of service and divinity
to all around them
4. the marriage is not a merger between two individuals, but
a union of the soul with the infinite. Each partner should strive
to see that the other achieves this and is married in the real
sense .
A wedding may be celebrated on any mutually acceptable date
as the Sikhs do not believe in auspicious days or using horoscopes.
The Reht Maryada, the official Sikh code also forbids any dowry
arrangement as marriage for them is not a business transaction,
but rather a union of two souls. A Sikh wedding is celebrated
in the morning. The invitees gather as if for a normal service.
When Asa Di Var, the morning hymn, has been sung the groom,
dressed in kurta pyjama, comes forward and takes his place at
the foot of the Adi-Granth. The bride, attired in a red or shocking
pink salwar kameez, then makes her first public appearance and
joins the congregation. She sits at the left side of the groom
attended by a friend. The couple and their parents are asked
to stand and a short hymn is sung. The bride and groom publicly
assent to the marriage by bowing towards the Guru Granth Sahib.
Dancing, singing and merriment now take place with games like
hiding of the groom's shoes. A few hours after the wedding as
the bride departs from her parents house, she throws back grains
of rice, thereby wishing prosperity for the family that she
leaves behind.
DOLI
The concluding item is doli, literally a palanquin, when the
bride is given an emotional send off to her new home and family.More
ceremonies await the bride at her husband's home but the main
extravaganza is over.
Another point of difference between Hindu and Sikh marriages
is that Hindu marriages are usually performed at night, while
Sikh marriages are performed in the morning.
NAMDHARIS
A sect of the Sikhs, the Namdharis, have an article of faith,
marry very simply and often in ceremonies where many couples
are married at the same time. The parents of the boy and the
girl settle the marriage but the approval of the head of the
Namdhari sect is essential. Unlike Hindu and conventional Sikh
marriages, dowry is not a part of the Namdhari marriage and
the couples are dressed in simple white clothes. The scarves
worn by the girl and boy and knotted together, and hymns from
the Granth Sahib are sung.
A trend seen in recent times is to go through the procedures
of the Indian Civil Marriage Act. 1956, after the traditional
marriage has taken place. This is usually done in case the couple
plans to migrate to a foreign country as the civil marriage
is useful in the matter of getting passports and completing
other formalities. Couples that belong to different castes or
religions also frequently prefer the civil marriages or sometimes
when they simply want to avoid a very costly and ostentatious
ceremony.
" Sadda chidiyan da chamba we, babul asan ud jana, Saadi
lambi udariwe, babul asan nahion aana ".
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