INTRODUCTION
The Hindu wedding ceremony common to all the communities in
India with slight variations depending upon the customs and
regions of reach place. This variety lends a lot of colour to
the marriage festivities and adds to the richness that is Indian
culture. This diversity and variety is manifest nowhere more
than in the various marriage functions in the country. Here
we will take a look at the main communities in South India:
Tamil or Thurmanan, Telegu, Malayali and the Manglorean or Kannadiga.
THIRUMANAN OR TAMIL MARRIAGE / RITUALS OF PALGHAT IYER BRAHMINS
Amongst the Tamil / Thiruman people marriage is for life, it
is a divine union and there is no divorce. Therefore, they take
trouble to see that the marriages take place only between compatible
people. The compatibility or porutham of a man and a woman intending
to get married is determined after taking into 21 factors,out
of which the following ten are the most important.
Thina porutham - Known as natchathira or star porutham
for the health and life of the couple.
Kana porutham - If this porutham is weak then the couple
will not see eye to eye and will be quarelling more often than
not. Life for them will not be blissful.
Mahendra porutham - for children in the marriage. Its
absence makes the marriage childless.
Stree theeka porutham - A strong stree theeka porutham
ensures a prosperous family life, munificently blessed by the
Goddess Mahalakhsmi. It also means that the bride will have
a long life as a sumangali / married woman. She will not know
widowhood soon in her marriage.
Yoni porutham - relates to the physical compatibility
of the couple and ensures that their physical relationship will
be a happy one.
Raasi porutham - The couple will be blest with children
and is deemed to be best when the couple share the same raasi
or astrological sign.
Raasi athpathi porutham - for marital bless and prosperity.
Vasiya porutham - its presence means there will be a
strong mutual physical attraction between the couple resulting
in a family life based on love, mutual respect, understanding
and cooperation.
Ratchu porutham determines the husband's lifespan. If this porutham
is weak or absent the proposal is called off.
Vethai porutham - When this porutham is strong the couple
will be able to avoid ill-luck and misfortune.
APPROCHING THE BOY
In modern times the girl's parents approach an astrologer and
seek the horosc- copes of an eligible boy. The astrologer takes
the horoscope of the girl and tries to match it with that of
a suitable boy.
Once both the horoscopes tally, the girl's parents make the
first move and approach the boy's parents for an alliance. The
boy's parents, too, consult their own astrologer to see whether
the horoscopes tally. If both the parties are satisfied and
during this meeting.She is closely watched for any defects.
In case both the boy and the girl like each other, in consultation
with a priest,the parents decide on a date and time for the
engagement or Nischayatamboolam. The parents of both the boy
together decide on the gifts to be presented to the boy and
the girl.
NISCHAYATAMBOOLAM OR ENGAGEMENT
Amongst the Iyers, no ceremony takes places without the presence
of a Vedic expert or vaadyar, as he is called. Nischaya means
to decide and Tamboola means betel leaves. According to Vedic
rites and in the presence of the priest and very close relatives,
the parents of the boy and girl finalise the alliance by an
exchange of betel leaves. During this function the boy and the
girl are not present. On the engagement day, the parents decide
on the date and time for the marriage, which is based on the
stars of the boy and the girl. Horoscopes play a very major
role in these marrige since the dates and time of important
functions are decided based on the stars of the couple. All
such decisions are taken in consultation with the priest. Both
the parents sign a Memorandum Of Understanding (MOU) prepared
by the chief priest.
MARRIAGE INVITATIONS
Previously, marriage invitations were hand written on palm
leaves either in Tamil or Malayalam. Issuing the invitation
is a big affair. The girl's parents visit their relatives and
request them to attend the marriage ceremonies. Guests are invited
to stay with the family for a few days before and after the
marriage. The boy's parents follow the same procedure. Traditionally,
it was mandatory that husband and wife went together to invite
their relatives and friends. The husband takes with him - Shobhanakshata
(rice soaked in turmeric/haldi) in a silver cup and invites
the male members of the family, while the wife takes kumkum
and invites the female members of the family. Shobhanakshata
and kumkum are the most sacred functions performed on all auspicious
occasions of an Iyer family.
The male members of the family apply Akshata/ rice covered with
kumkum on their foreheads and ladies do the same with Kumkum
and formally accept the invitation. No auspicious or religious
function of an Iyer family starts without decorating the floors
of the premises with Kolam. Kolam is made of rice- paste and
beautiful designs are created on the floor using this paste.
Designs on all, important places of the house. Generally, the
Lotus flowers, conch and tiny feet of Lord Krishna are drawn.
SECOND NISHCHAYATARTHAM
The Second Nishchayatartham is in the presence of bride and
bridegroom on the eve of the marriage. The MOU prepared by the
parents, in the presence of the priest is read here. This engagement
is just a confirmation of the earlier one. The priest conducts
these ceremonies to the chanting of mantras. The bride's brother
puts the marriage ring on ring finger of the bridegroom right
hand, while the bridegroom's sister puts the wedding ring on
the ring finger of the bride left hand. Following this both
the bride and the groom are asked to wear their new clothes
and visit a nearby temple.
MAAPPILAY AZHAIPPU
This means the red carpet welcome for the bridegroom. The bride's
parents give a rousing welcome to the groom's procession which
will be taken out on the near by streets of the village. This
is done on the eve of the marriage. The well-dressed bridegroom
is seated in a well-decorated car (earlier he used to be mounted
on a chariot driven by horses) to the accompaniment of the Naadaswaram.
The bride's parents warmly welcome the groom and receive him
with aarti, to ward off evil, apply sandalwood paste and kumkum
to his forehead and garland him. After welcoming the bridegroom,
the next function is Nischayatartham once again. With the visit
to the temple, the day's function on the eve of marriage is
over, and is followed by special dinner for all the guests.
MARRIAGE DAY FUNCTIONS
The day begins with melodies like Naadaswaram music, played
early in the morning at 3.00 am. The bridegroom wakes up early
and his bath. After his bath, he changes his sacred thread and
performs the morning Sandhyavandana. This is a kind of nature
worship where all the natural elements - sun, moon, water, fire,
air are worshipped for all the good things they have done and
a repentance for all the sins committed consciously or unconsciously
in thought, word and deed. Sandhyavandana is performed to purify
both mind and body.
SAMIDHADHANAM
Thereafter the bridegroom performs Samidhadhanam. This is a
havan or homam usually performed by Brahmacharis or unmarried
boys or bachelors
VRATHAM
This is the day when the bridegroom will enter the Grishasthashrama
state and leave his present Brahmacharyashram state. To do he
has to again perform another ritual called Vratham under the
guidance of the chief priest. Through the chanting of vedic
verses the bridegroom makes a sankalpa or vow that he will strictly
adhere to all the Grihasthashrama Dharma or duties of a married
life as given in the vedic scriptures. After this Sankalpa,
he now changes to a six strand sacred thread from the earlier
three strand one worn by the bachelors or Brahmacharis Till
this Vratha is over the groom keeps a fast, which he now breaks
by having a heavy breakfast. The guests too are served a heavy
breakfast as all marriage functions are lengthy affairs lasting
at least 2 to 3 hours. No marriage function during the time
of Rahu Kalaam as it is widely believed, that Rahu will cast
its evil effects on the couples while they are tying the knot.
So all marriages are performed either before the start or after
the end of Rahu Kalam. Rahu is one of the nine planets and a
malefic one at that. Kaalam is time. during "Rahu Kalam".
The chief Priest takes care of all these things. The ceremonies
start with a Ganapati Pooja invoking Lord Ganesha,the Elephant
faced son of Lord Shiva,the destroyer of all obstacles. With
the chanting of several mantras and Vedic hymns, the chief priest
and his team of assistants please all the heavenly Gods and
Goddesses and ask their blessings for the couple. The groom
will have to wear a new dhoti /Pattu Veshti and the bride a
new sari /pattusari and blouse given to them. Thereafter the
groom sits with his parents and the bride with hers. A red thread
is tied around the bride's waist to protect her from evil spirits
and to ward off all evil. Guests are received with great fan
fare at the wedding hall.
KAASI YATRA OR PARDESHI KOLAM
In olden days a Brahmin boy who practiced brahmacharya and engaged
in the study of vedas and Upanisads from the age of five had
a tendency to run away from the institution of marriage and
proceed on his journey to Kashi to do penance in attainment
of higher levels of spiritual life. Marriage, he felt, came
in the way of this spiritual pursuit, and hence the reluctance.
This did not mean that he was totally averse marriage. As he
was born and brought up in a religious and spiritual atmosphere,
it took some time for him to come out of it and accept the new
change. He therefore required some prompting from the parents
of the girl, who were eagerly waiting to get a suitable boy
for their daughter.
So in this ceremony, a mock Kashi Yatra, the boy supposedly
embarks on his journey to Kashi, the girl's parents follow him
and request him to stop going to Kaasi and instead take their
daughter as his wife and enter the state of grihishthashrama
or married state.
The parents extol the good qualities of their daughter and how
she will make him a good wife. After some persuasion and coaxing,
the boy returns and promises to marry the girl. Through this
ritual, the Brahmin boy sheds his Brahmacharya state and enters
family life. This ritual is a symbolic act of the past, but
people still enjoy its performance today mainly from the entertainment
point of view. Both the bride and groom exchange garlands several
times. The girl's maternal uncle/s hold the girl aloft on their
shoulders and play friendly mischief with the boy. The boy's
relatives also retort in a friendly atmosphere. After this function,
the bride and bridegroom are brought to the main marriage hall
and the bridegroom is asked to chant Vedic mantras and pray
to Varuna, Brihaspati, Indra and the Sun Gods to shower their
blessings on his wife for all happiness in their married life.
OONCHAL AATTAM
The next function is the Oonchal Aattam / jhoola or swing. "
The couple sit on the swing and are gently swung by their relatives,
while the women of the house sing songs. The ladies also go
round the couple with lighted lamps and dropping water on the
floor. While the bride and groom are seated on the swing, the
bride's father washes the groom's feet with milk and wipes them
with a silk towel. Then follows the ritual of keeping away the
evil spirits by taking balls of cooked rice dipped in lemon
juice and moving it in circles in front of the couple. This
ritual is widely followed amongst all Hindus. It is believed
that the chains of the swing or oonchal represents a strong
and divine bondage between the bride and groom, while the forward
and backward movements of the swing represents the ups and downs
of a family life.
PAALIKAI THELIKKAL.
Paalikai means mud-pot and Thelikkal means to sprinkle. Two
days prior to the wedding nine pots are sown with a different
cereal. The women of the house watered these mud-pots so that
they sprout by the wedding day. The sight of sprouted cereals
is soothing to the eyes. After the marriage is over, these mud-pots
with sprouted cereals are set to float down a river. This is
done to please the Ashtadikpakkas or sentries guarding the eight
directions of the heaven, i.e. North, South, East, West, North-West,
South-west, North-east, and South-east as well as bless the
newly married couple with a healthy life and healthy children.
KANYADAAN
The next important function is the Kanyadaan or giving away
of the daughter by the bride's father. Here the bride sits on
her fathers lap and he willingly gives his daughter's hands
to the bridegroom and this act is known as Kanyadaan. A round
band made of Kulampullu, a kind of grass, is fitted on the bride's
head. Then the gold Mangalsutra is kept on Dharbhapullu (a dry
grass called Dharba or Kusha) near the bride and water is poured
on the Mangalsutra by the priest chanting mantras the meaning
of which is:- Let this gold in Mangalsutra increase your wealth.
Let this water purify and protect your married life.
The bride now takes a bath and dons the traditional nine yards.
Kancheepuram silk sari or Koorai Pudava. The groom's sister
assists her in wearing the sari, thereby showing that the bride
is being welcomed into her new family. A belt made of Earalchedi
(a kind of green plant) is tied around the bride's waist; to
the chanting of mantras that mean - She stands near the pure
fire. With her blessed soul and healthy body, she makes a vow
that through the creeper of this plant, tied to her waist that
she will lead a married life and live with her husband and children
throughout her life. At the same time the bride's father says
- I am giving my daughter to you in marriage. She is pure in
mind. She is intelligent and full of good qualities. I have
given my daughter ornaments according to my capacity. After
marriage, she will protect dharma, love, and wealth. The bridegroom
listens attentively to the above promise made by the bride's
father and in turn makes the following promise three times -
He declares that he will be faithful to his wife. At this time
the bride ties one garland consisting of raw turmeric pieces
around bridegroom's waist. This act is called Kankanadharanam.
Likewise, the bridegroom ties a similar garland with turmeric
pieces around bride's waist.
THALIKETTU
The next and most important of all the functions is the climax
of the ceremonies - the Thalikettu, i.e. the tying of Mangalsutra.
This takes place exactly at the auspicious time or the murtham
fixed earlier by the priests. While tying the Mangalsoothra,
the bride has to face east and the bridegroom west. The Mangalsoothra
or Thaali is a 3mm thick cotton thread, which is coated with
turmeric paste to give it a yellow colour. Two gold coins with
the Shiva-lingam emblem inscribed on them are tied to it. These
hang exactly midway on this thread. The sound of Naadasware
music reaches its peak at the time the bridegroom ties the Mangalsutra
around the bride's neck. The groom ties the first knot, while
his sisters ties the second and third knots. The marriage is
now solemnized. All those witnessing these proceedings,shower
flowers and rice soaked in turmeric on the newly married couple
and bless them. Tears of joy and separation roll down the cheeks
of the girl's parents as their beloved daughter enters a new
world. The daughter is as emotionally moved and weeps while
embracing and bidding her parents, brothers and sisters good
bye. After the Mangalsutra is tied, the priest again chants
mantras and asks the groom to repeat the same, which means I
pray God that I must live long. I also pray God that you as
my wife through this knot should also live and remain a Sumangali
and Soubhagyavah forever.
Further, both the bride and bridegroom hold hands and repeat
the following prayer: - It is the Gods who have made us for
each other. We will never separate from each other even in old
age. Clutching his wife's hand, the husband walks with her round
the fire seven times or performs saptapati even as the chanting
continues. It is at this time that money is distributed to those
who participated in the function.
OFFERING TO AGNI DEVATA
Another important marriage ritual is making an offering to Agni
Devata - the fire God, the most powerful God in the universe
and the main witness to the marriage. A hand-operated grinding
stone is kept near the Pit of fire. This stone represents a
firm rock. The husband helps his wife to keep her legs on this
stone by holding her left toe thereby conveying that his wife's
mind should be as firm as a rock and should not waver under
any circumstances. The husband then shows the star of Arundhati
i.e. Arundhati Nakshatra in the sky indicating that his wife
also should be as faithful to him as Arundhati was to her husband
Maharishi Vasishta.
LAJJAMOHAM
The next function is Lajjamoham. The wife' brother/s put some
beaten rice into the hands of their newly married sister. The
wife puts this rice in the hands of her husband and the husband
in turn puts it into the fire. This is a blessing from her brother,
for a long life for both the sister and her husband. The fire
used for this purpose is specially brought from the wife's house
in a new mud pot.
GRIHAPRAVESHAM
The newly married couple is taken to the husband's house. The
ceremony where the new bride enters the husband's home for the
first time is called Grihapravesham. In the husband's house,
the husband's sister gives milk and fruits to the couple. After
they return from the husband's house, the newly married couple
is blessed by one and all. A variety of marriage gifts both
in cash and kind are given to the boy and the girl by their
respective close relatives and friends. A sumptuous lunch follows.
This is the first time that the newly married couple lunch together.
At around 4 pm the newly married couple plays Nelangu. There
is not much religious significance attached to it. It is only
a game to be played by the boy and the girl sitting, 10 feet
away facing each other, and passing and rolling a full coconut
from one end to the other like a ball. It is just a way for
the couple to get to know each other better and is full of fun.
The marriage comes to a grand finale. All the guests leave after
being given a coconut and some sweets as a token of love and
gratitude for having attended the marriage and blessed the couple.
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