Some Preliminaries
In the Torah, the verb used for marriage is to "take"
a women. The Mishnah noted that a man acquires a woman in one
of three ways:
(1) Money
(2) Contract
(3) Sexual
Intercourse
Money
Money was defined as anything of known value. If a man handed
such an object to a woman in front of two witnesses, and she
accepted it, they were married. Originally this buying process
involved a coin. Early on, this coin was hollowed out to make
a ring. In order for the ring to be known value, it had to be
of solid metal and could contain no jewels.
Contract
One of the three ways a marriage took place in Jewish tradition
was by contract. The marriage contract was called the "Ketuban",
the written document, and its form was defined quite stringently
by the sages. It included the complete names of the participants,
defined the marital status and price of the bride, stated the
terms of the dowry, and included the price of a divorce.
Sexual
The third means of acquiring a wife was by sexual intercourse.
The sages opposed this method as immoral and demeaning, but
they recognized sexual intercourse as legally binding a couple
in marriage.
Blessings and Customs
The actual legal wedding ceremony would take less than one minute.
That's not enough ritualizing time. The sages added seven blessings
called the Sheva Brachot (Seven Blessings). Legally, they are
not necessary for the marriage to be binding, but they include
the Divine more directly in the proceedings by praising God
for creating man and woman.
Over the years many customs have developed around the wedding
ceremony. Rav Ashi once attended a wedding feast where there
was too much levity. He took an expensive glass and smashed
it. In reply to the shocked silence, he said, "Into every
joyous occasion, there should be some sorrow," and left.
This is one explanation for the origin of breaking a glass at
a wedding.
Another anti-evil spirit custom is to have both bride and groom
wear white, a color the demons despised. In addition, the bride
would circle the chuppah seven times, and the guests would carry
lit candles, all believed to be very effective at keeping away
evil spirits.
Men and Women
Men and women, although dependent on one another for the good
of the community, are separate. The woman, due to her inability
to control her menstrual bleeding is ostracized towards the
natural realm. During her period she is considered impure. Both
traditions consider this a time of impurity, but the rationalist
uses this as a distinction between culture and nature. The man
is part of the cultural realm. He separates himself from the
female and attempts to impose order, there-by becoming more
God-like. He is constrained by the limits of time, and she is
not. Basically the roles here are complimentary, but not so
much intertwined. In the mystic tradition, the female role is
more symbolic, and man and woman form a union. They don't compliment
one another, they create one another.
Fertility Customs
There are numerous marriage customs associated with wishing
the couple fertility. The most common is throwing rice, wheat,
nuts, or candies at the groom, especially after he is called
to the Torah on the Shabbat before the wedding (called the aufruf,
the calling). Others include serving fish at the wedding meal;
having the bride jump over a brass bowl filled with live fish
as people call, "May you be as fertile as the fish";
and having the bride hold a baby boy at the wedding feast.
In the old days, the wedding took place outdoors at night, to
serve as a reminder that God had promised Abraham that his descendants
would be as numerous as the stars (Genesis 15:5).
Reproduction
Intercourse does not have only one purpose in the Jewish tradition.
Reproduction is certainly necessary in furthering the Community
of Israel, but the act itself should be the creation of intimacy,
peace, companionship, and delight. Lastly, both traditions agree
on the woman's duties in the home.
She is a mother and her responsibilities include raising and
teaching the children, preparing meals, cleaning, and preparing
for the rituals.(especially those that are meal oriented) The
rationalist differs in its interpretation of the perfect order.
The Ketubah
The tradition included all three of these methods within the
marriage ceremony. Before the wedding, the ketubah is signed
and read as part of the ceremony.
The groom gives the bride a ring and says, "With this ring,
you are consecrated to me as my wife according to the law of
Moses and Israel". In most modern, liberal ceremonies,
the bride and groom exchange rings.
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