They loved you unconditionally, they let you
stay up late and eat fudge when mom and dad weren’t looking.
They spoiled you with an adoration unique to grandparents and
older relatives. In essence, they helped you become you. So
how do you honor your beloved elders on your wedding day? There
are many ways you can recognize their unique contribution to
your life, both in the ceremony and reception. We even have
a few suggestions as to how you might honor the memories of
those no longer with you.
Include Them. You’ve ordered a corsage for your grandmother
-- what else can you do? If you are creative, you can come up
with a multitude of ideas to make your elders feel part of your
wedding day. Some brides wear a grandmother’s wedding dress,
having it custom fitted and possibly altered to better suit
today’s style. If that is not an option, you might consider
carrying the same type of flowers she carried in her wedding.
You might also borrow a brooch, pearl necklace or pair of silk
gloves from an elder female relative as the “something
borrowed” part of your wedding ensemble. Wedding rings
are often passed down as heirlooms, and if your ring has a family
history, you might want to mention it during the ring ceremony.
If you are close to your grandfather, and your father is not
with you, ask him to walk you down the aisle. If your grandmother
or aunt loves to bake, ask her to make the groom’s cake,
if you are planning to have one. Another way to honor elders
is to borrow the cake topper they used at their wedding. Not
only will it add a special vintage touch to yours, it will remind
them of their own special day so many years ago.
Spend Time With Them. Consider hosting a small “family
dinner” a few days before the wedding. Spend quality time
talking to your elders and other family members, bringing out
old photo albums and slides, cherishing time together during
a simple takeout or potluck dinner. Thank Them. When thanking
your friends and family for joining you on your wedding day,
consider pointing out your elders, in addition to your mother
and father. If your elders are not shy, you might even introduce
them, having them stand or wave. They will be pleased that you
included them in your ceremony. At the reception, you may want
to make special toasts to your older relatives, acknowledging
how much they have contributed to your life. You might even
present each elder with a simple thank you gift. Consider videotaping
the event if you have older family members who are physically
unable to attend the wedding, and watch it with them at a later
date.
Get Them Dancing. During the reception, have the band play your
grandmother and grandfather’s wedding song, and get them
to dance as they did years ago. You may be the star of your
wedding, but it will feel even more wonderful to let them shine
too.
Make Them Comfortable. Comfort is key for your elders to enjoy
your celebration, so be sure to provide seating at both the
ceremony and reception for them. If you are having a stand up
cocktail party with passed hors d’oeuvres, have one special
table with reserved place cards for your older guests, in addition
to a few tables and chairs scattered about. For a sit down affair,
make sure your great uncle and aunt are not placed next to the
speakers, especially if you are having a rock-and-roll band.
If any of your older guests uses a wheelchair, make sure there
is easy access to the ceremony, and that the aisle is wide enough
for them to pass without awkwardness. If wheelchair access is
an issue for a member of your family, keep that factor in mind
as you select the ceremony and reception location, and as you
make seating assignments. At the reception, be sure to provide
appropriate food choices -- some elderly people can’t eat
spicy foods, while those who suffer from arthritis have difficulty
cutting certain foods, such as steak.
Honor Their Memory. A wedding can be a bittersweet time if you
have lost a beloved family member; however, you can still honor
their memory at this special time. In most parts of Africa,
ancestors are included and honored by a libation ceremony, i.e.,
the pouring of water or liquor into the earth while reciting
a prayer. You might honor a cherished elder by placing a candle
or rose on the altar in his or her name. You could also play
their favorite song at some point during the processional, ceremony,
or reception in honor of their memory. If your reception is
at a home, you could set out a collection of old photos of your
family members in the reception area.
They have cherished you since you were a newborn and they are
still there, providing you with that same unconditional love,
as well as the wisdom of their years. What a perfect time to
honor them as you make your rite of passage into matrimony.
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