You’ve decided to include children in
your wedding, either in the ceremony, or as invited guests.
Your heart just melts at the thought of your two year-old niece
in her little flowergirl dress, scattering rose petals down
the aisle. And your best friend’s three year-old son is
sure to be the most adorable ring bearer ever. Children lend
a sweet, innocent charm to weddings. But let’s be honest:
they can also be miniature landmines if you aren’t properly
prepared.
Following are some ideas to make your wedding as child-friendly
(and child-proof!) as possible. If your ceremony includes other
people’s children, you might pass along some of these suggestions
to help those kids be at their best on the big day.
Children and The Ceremony
Give Them A Role. Giving a child a specific responsibility (nothing
too intense, of course) focuses their energy and decreases the
likelihood of their being bored and fussy. In addition to the
traditional roles of flowergirl and ringbearer, there are many
other ways to include children in your wedding ceremony. Children
might also:
read a poem, bible verse, other scriptural reading or religious
blessing
sing a hymn or song, separately or together
serve as an alter boy or acolyte, if you are having a religious
ceremony that includes those roles and it is in keeping with
the house of worship’s policies pass out wedding programs
as guests enter the church
distribute and blow bubbles as the newlyweds exit
Brides who are mothers might have their kids walk them down
the aisle and "give her away"; they, and groom dads,
might also have their children serve as their wedding attendants.
Many couples today involve children from previous relationships
by including the presentation of the Family Medallion during
the ceremony, which symbolizes the new, blended family’s
pledge of love for one another (see sidebar).
Practice. It doesn’t always make perfect, but it helps.
Children get nervous performing in front of large groups of
people (who doesn’t?), so it’s a good idea to practice
until your little tyke feels confident with his or her role.
Be sure to include them in your wedding rehearsal.
Make Sure They Are Well Rested. The last thing you want is a
meltdown in the middle of your vows, so make sure young children
have taken a nap before the wedding, or at least had a good
night’s sleep the night before.
Have Wedding Photos Taken Before The Ceremony. You definitely
want to do this when children are fresh, preferably right after
they’ve taken their naps and before they’ve had a
chance to muss their wedding attire.
Comfortable Shoes and Clothes. Even you get cranky if your shoes
are too tight. Sure, those patent leathers are cute, but are
they worth a temper tantrum?
No Sugar Before The Ceremony. Anyone who has been around children
on sugar knows that this is worth repeating. No matter how much
you may be tempted… NO SUGAR BEFORE THE CEREMONY.
Keep Them Calm. Just before the ceremony, try to keep the children
calm, and resist the urge to "hype" their role.
If All Else Fails, Turn To Bribery. You shouldn’t go to
extremes here (i.e., "I promise to buy you a Mercedes when
you turn 16"), but a little old fashioned bribery never
hurt anyone. By all means, bribe with cookies or candy, as long
as you follow the golden rule (not before the ceremony).
A Quiet Distraction. To keep small children from fidgeting while
watching the ceremony, you might consider giving them little
flap books or small puzzles to keep them busy in their seats.
The Reception
Junior Shutterbugs. You might consider giving each child a disposable
camera and assign your new mini-photographers to get candid
shots at the reception. It will keep them busy for hours, and
you’ll get so many heartwarming shots from a different
perspective, you may not even mind all those pictures of people’s
shoes and backs.
Set Up A Play Table. A small, low table in a corner can become
a great play table if you provide coloring/activity books, crayons
and a few puzzles. Don’t go too crazy, though. Finger paints
may sound like fun, but you won’t think so when one of
the little darlings decides to give you a biiiiig huuggg!
Hire Help. It isn’t much fun when parents have to constantly
run after their children, so if you’re set on inviting
them, you might consider hiring a few child care helpers to
provide supervision. You might even enlist a few responsible
young teens to keep an eye on the kids just for the fun of it.
Play Room. If you’ve got the space, don’t hesitate
to set up a separate playroom for kids with age appropriate
toys and books (in this instance, you would definitely need
to hire help; follow all the precautions you would if hiring
someone to watch your own kids). The adults can dance the night
away in one room and still check on their little ones in "The
Wedding Kids Club" from time to time.
Consider A Kid Menu. It took you months to decide between salmon
and chicken for the adults - now you’ve got to plan a menu
for kids? Not exactly. You aren’t obliged to serve a separate
menu for children, but you should consider their tiny taste
buds when planning your menu in order to keep them from getting
hungry (and cranky).
Children are usually finicky little critters, so if you’re
planning on serving chicken or pasta, ask your caterer to serve
the sauce on the side for your smaller guests. If you are having
a lot of children and want to serve a "child entrée,"
the following are some kid-approved ideas for both day and evening
receptions.
pasta (sauce on the side)
grilled chicken strips
heart-shaped finger sandwiches (peanut butter and jelly; or
cheese)
spiral sandwiches (made with lavosh bread or tortillas) of turkey
and cheese
mini pizzas (light on the sauce for minimal mess)
If Not A Menu, Perhaps A Snack? You can also put together "busy
food" boxes for the kids, i.e., Chinese takeout boxes personalized
with their names, adorned with ribbons, and filled with raisins,
saltines, string cheese, goldfish crackers, perhaps a small
toy (hey, everybody likes party favors). Have the boxes waiting
at their seats at the reception. These mini-snacks will not
only keep them busy, they will keep them from getting hungry,
especially if they refuse to touch that yucky gourmet cuisine.
Let Them Play Grown Up - And Maybe They’ll Act Grown Up!
Since children love to celebrate as much as the next person,
you might consider serving sparkling apple cider in plastic
champagne flutes. They will love you forever for including them
in your wedding toasts.
Don’t forget to show your appreciation for your flowergirl,
ringbearer, and the other children who participate in your wedding
day by giving them a small gift to commemorate the event. A
small gesture goes a long way with kids.
Although there are no guarantees when it comes to kid behavior,
the above suggestions should help make your wedding day as wonderful
as possible. Try to keep your attitude relaxed and carefree
(so what if the flower girl decides to take her clothes off
in the middle of your ceremony, you’re still the bride!).
They may not be perfect, but then again, who is? Besides, before
you grew up and fell in love, you were a kid once, too.
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