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Wedding Planner
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Invitation - Partners In Planning,
Inc.
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Don’t punch out your mother. That’s
probably the first rule in the art of getting along with Mom
as the two of you work together to plan your wedding.
I know a bride who decked Mom merely hours before her wedding
in one cathartic punch. After a year of haggling and battling
over everything from the dress to the guest list to the flowers
to the flavor of the cake, the tensions were so high that the
bride just erupted after one not-so-well-placed comment from
Mom. Mom was a virtual volcano of pent-up anger, too, and eventually
Bride and Mother-of-the-Bride were in fisticuffs. There were
no black eyes, just some bruised feelings and smeared mascara.
The wedding went on, and Bride and Mother-of-the-Bride both
wept, probably from relief that it was finally all over.
The relationship between you and your mom as you plan your wedding
doesn’t have to be one of two prizefighters in the ring.
If you follow some of our advice, you might find working with
Mom to be a time of closeness and, believe it or not, fun.
Partners in Planning, Inc. Think of you and Mom as true partners
in wedding planning, almost like a professional party planning
team. Partnership is the operative word here, so keep that in
mind. You and Mom are equals in this endeavor; treat each other
with respect.
You’re the bride, not the queen. Acting like royalty is
sure to ruffle Mom’s feathers. Don’t make too many
demands, especially if Mom and Dad are footing the bill for
the wedding. Keep your tizzy fits in check. You’re a grown
up now, even if working so closely with your mom reminds you
of being 16 again. And if Mom gets out of line, patiently help
calm her. If you want things to run smoothly with her, take
responsibility for setting the tone of your working relationship.
Listen. This may come as a shock, but Mom may actually
have some good ideas. Don’t dismiss them so readily. She
really may know which neckline is most flattering to your face,
which color tablecloth looks best, that pink tea roses would
be perfect in your bouquet. She may have some legitimate reasons
why you do or do not need a receiving line. So open your ears.
But don’t listen to harsh criticism. If you feel that Mom
is attacking your ideas and trying to wield too much power,
remind her that you’re in this together. We Can Work it
Out. Communicate openly and honestly. If you really don’t
want to serve steak at the wedding because most of your friends
are vegetarians, explain that to her. If you really don’t
want all of the members of her book group on the guest list
because you’ve never met them, let her know how you feel.
If you are swamped at work and don’t have time to visit
the florist on your lunch hour, tell her you need another week.
By getting everything out in the open, you avoid letting bad
feelings and resentments brew. And you will most likely be pleasantly
surprised at how Mom responds to your honesty.
Be a Honey. Remember that if you really want something, honey
works better than vinegar. If it is so important to you to have
a sit-down dinner and not a buffet, and if the budget can handle
it, present your case to Mom with sweetness, not rage. A spoonful
of sugar is a great negotiating tool.
Choose Battles Wisely. You don’t want any children
at your formal wedding. Mom insists that some pint-size relatives,
whom she adores and is close to, must attend. Don’t drive
her to tears. Sometimes it’s worth your while to just give
in. If Mom hates the way she looks in ivory, don’t insist
on it as a color for her Mother-of-the-Bride dress. If you give
in on certain points, Mom may be more flexible with your wants,
too. But don’t be a total pushover. When it comes to things
extremely important to you, hold your ground.
Divide and Conquer. Split up some of the responsibilities.
This will indeed take pressure off the mother/daughter wedding
planning operation and will help things move along more efficiently.
You take care of the outfitting the bridesmaids and groomsmen;
she handles the hors d’oeuvres menu. Check in with each
other before finalizing arrangements on your respective assignments.
Mother Your Mother. Mom is under a lot of wedding stress,
too. So take the time to ask her how she’s doing. Do nice
things for her. Make her a cup of tea and sit down to chat.
Indulge in a manicure and pedicure session. Go to the movies,
or rent one with a wedding related theme, like the remake of
"Father of the Bride," and critique the movie wedding
together. Compliment Mom on her ideas for the wedding, the way
she looks in her Mother-of-the-Bride dress, her good taste.
Thank her for the time she is putting into planning your wedding.
Be the daughter that Mom can be proud to say she raised. Laugh
a Little. I have to say that the best part of planning my wedding
with my mom was that I had someone to laugh with. Together,
you will see the humor involved in planning a wedding -- some
of the people you will encounter and experiences you have in
the wonderful world of weddings are bound to be hilarious. My
mom and I had some fits of laughter when we tried to surreptitiously
take photos of me trying on wedding gowns in the dressing room.
I’ll never forget when we were looking for a wedding band
run by a man named Jeff Carrion, and ended up meeting with a
bunch a shirtless, long-haired rockers in a band called Carry
On. When things go wrong, you can laugh together, too -- after
you solve the crisis.
Carry On. A wedding marks an emotional time for mother
and daughter. After spending such an intense time together planning
the big day, you’re gone, married, on to a new life of
your own. Reassure Mom that that your relationship is not going
to dramatically change after the wedding. If you continue to
build on your bond, the closeness will grow and grow as you
both move ahead through your lives.
Don’t Learn Kick-Boxing. Just in case tensions begin
to run high between you and Mom, you’re probably better
off if you’re not a kick-boxing expert. You don’t
want Mom in traction before the wedding.
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