Wedding Planner

Invitation - A Surviving Guest Gaffes

No matter the pains you have taken to ensure that your wedding is perfect, no matter how organized you are, there are some things even you cannot control: your guests. Sure, you can control who you invite, but once your guests have set foot in the chapel or reception hall, the only thing you can do is hope that everyone behaves, and that it will be an evening to remember -- for the right reasons. Following are some suggestions on how to graciously handle the most common guest gaffes.

A guest is late: Although you're under no obligation to delay the proceedings for late wedding guests, fifteen minutes is a reasonable amount of time to wait. If you have a wedding coordinator, have him or her stand in the entry to the ceremony location to prevent a late guest from barging in during a sensitive part of the ceremony. The coordinator can seat late guests in the back, and only during transitions, such as when the wedding party stands or is seated, or musical selections are beginning or ending.

Noise during the ceremony: The solemn exchange of your wedding vows is a precious moment. You may be concerned about interruptions, especially if children (or ex-flames!) are present. If you're genuinely concerned about someone not holding their peace during the "...speak now..." question, simply don't invite that person. If you know a child under age two will be in the crowd, you should prepare yourself for the possibility of a baby's cry. And when it happens, just keep going. The child's parent will no doubt exit if the crying doesn't quickly subside.

Uninvited guests: Your reception is a sit down dinner for 75, and one of your single friends shows up with a surprise date. Before you panic (there are only 75 pieces of salmon!), smile politely and let your caterer take it from there. And while you may be tempted, this is not the time to teach your friend the finer points of wedding etiquette.

A guest gets drunk: It's a wedding, and the champagne is flowing. Sometimes, though, it flows a little more freely into some mouths than others. If one of your guests goes from acceptably tipsy (giggles at bad jokes) to downright drunk (loudly tells bad jokes), you must do something to protect yourself and other guests. Without making judgements or calling attention to the drunken slob (oops), discreetly call a cab and have someone -- perhaps a strapping groomsman -- escort the guest outside. Don't make a big deal out of it, and don't mention it afterward. This is your wedding celebration; let someone else handle the mess.

A guest spills something on you: Your sister rushes to hug you and accidentally spills red wine all over your gown. Your first instinct is to scream -- after all, you paid how much for that Vera Wang?! Do not scream. She will undoubtedly be mortified at her heinous crime -- you needn't make her feel worse. Instead, muster a smile and say something like "Don't worry, I'm sure red wine comes out of silk." (Yeah, right.) Then graciously change the subject for everyone's sake, and politely excuse yourself to the lounge, where you may be able to work miracles with soda water.

You forget the name of a guest: A guest isn't the only one capable of committing a faux pas. A wedding can be so overwhelming, you may actually forget one of your guests' names. You can avoid embarrassment by discreetly asking someone else to jog your memory. However, if it's too late and you find yourself cornered, you should admit to having momentarily forgotten the guest's name. After all, it's perfectly understandable that you are dazed enough to temporarily forget a name. Apologize to the guest, but don't overdo it -- you don't want to embarrass them further.

A guest's toast becomes a roast: Toasts are great, until they become long, dull or humiliating for the newlyweds. A toast shouldn't last longer than three minutes. To avoid torturous toasts, appoint a toastmaster in advance. If someone gets out of hand and reaches the five-minute mark, the toastmaster might subtly intervene to encourage a quick wrap up.

Since nearly all blunders are unintentional, it is essential to keep your sense of humor and compassion. People make mistakes, even the people we love. Perfection isn't all that endearing anyway, so we may as well smile as Uncle Bert stumbles into his cab, belting out a boisterous solo of "Isn't It Romantic?" After all, isn't it?

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Invitation - A Surviving Guest Gaffes

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